Everytime I go to the grocery store, I always get stuck behind the person who doesn’t know how to use self-checkout, but still attempts to figure out how to use it at my expense.

It never fails. I walk up to a person who looks like they should know how to use it. They may even successfully scan a few items. But then, they pull out produce, or something without a barcode.

First, they examine it — presumably to look for the barcode. They flip it over, look at all sides. Then, they furrow their brow.

It’s about this time that I start to pray that a magical barcode will appear, or that they will ask the cashier for help. Sadly, my efforts are in vain. Instead, they continue looking for a barcode thinking, “Maybe I missed it.”

The self-checkout machine chimes in at this point: “If you have completed scanning your items, select ‘Finish and Pay.’” But, they’re not finished. They have at least 5 – 10 more minutes of my time to waste.

After they’ve figured out that the item does not have a barcode, they decide to check the machine’s “Produce/Quick Lookup” option. Now, depending on the person, this could be relatively quick, or a long process. Some people have trouble figuring out the first letter of the item they’re looking for, which only extends the amount of wasted time. No joke — I stood behind a guy for 7 minutes because he was looking for “red apples.” Sigh!

Anyway, when the person scrolls through two or three pages, they get confused, and cancel the lookup option, and go back to the main screen. They try again. Strike two.

Before making the invevitable trip to strike three with the lookup option, they take a step back. Maybe they’re too close to the screen to see all of the options. They take a deep breath and look at the screen again. It’s now that they notice the “ask for help” option. Once pressed, the light above the self-checkout machine starts to blink. They should also play a tone or something because the cashier never sees the light, thus wasting more and more of my time.

I start thinking, “I should go to another line.” But, then I counter myself with, “But I’ve invested so much time in this line, I don’t want to give it up.” After all, the line will probably move once I step out of it, so I keep waiting.

The cashier comes over after the light has been blinking for no less than five minutes. After turning off the flashing light, they look for the barcode — as if the person didn’t think of that. Then, they look up the item. Usually, they find the item quickly and scan it.

“At last, I’m free. The person will pay, and this ordeal will be over,” I think to myself. The cashier disappears.

The person in front of me selects “Finish and Pay.” Then, the machine gives them options. Most people select credit or debit, because this option guarantees more of my time wasted. Instead of having said card out, now I have to wait while we play, “Find the ATM card.” This game usually lasts two minutes, and is accompanied by nervous looks in my direction. Notice I did not say at me. People who have no idea how to use self-checkout never make eye contact with others.

They follow the directions the best they can. Unfortunately, they have to move between the big machine screen and the little screen on the card reader. And, for some reason, people tune out the words, “Please use the pin pad to complete transaction.” So, they stand there looking at the screen like, “What gives?”

I give them about 15 seconds before I indicate that they have to use the pad. Some people figure it out in that time. The majority do not.

Finally, there’s nothing left to wait for but the receipt. I see the light at the end of the tunnel.

The embarrassed customer usually packs their items quickly and bolts out of the store. Finally, it’s my turn. I begin scanning and realize, “Hey, this item doesn’t have a barcode…”