Last night, while making a late night trip to Harris Teeter, I think I saw first-hand how desperate times call for desperate measures. The kind of economic turmoil we’re experiencing forces seemingly normal, well-off individuals into doing irrational, sometimes-illegal things. For example, about a month or so ago, a man making roughly $90,000 per year killed his family and himself because he was stressed out from his job and bills. That’s sad. But, I guess you never know what you’re capable of until the chips are down – or at least you think the chips are down.

Anyway, last night I went to Harris Teeter on my way home from watching the first game of NBA Finals at a friend’s house; it was about 12:30 a.m. Harris Teeter is never my first choice when grocery shopping because its prices are so high. Usually higher prices = yuppies. And, as you probably know by now, yuppies are my archenemies.

Basically, my list consisted of some fruit, yogurt, Zip Loc bags, Drano, and soy milk (which was not for me, FYI).  As I proceeded to make my way towards the yogurt, I noticed an attractive, fit brunette wearing workout clothes – spandex pants, cross-trainers (does anyone call them that anymore?), and a windbreaker. She looked like Kristen Davis from Sex and the City.  She, too, was buying yogurt. Or, so I thought.

It took me a minute to find the yogurt I wanted. In that time, I noticed out of the corner of my eye that the woman started behaving a little erratically. She was pacing a little, back and forth. It just seemed…odd. I looked at her, waiting for her to look at me so I could ask if everything was okay. But, she never looked. In fact, she was trying not to look at me. I shrugged it off and walked away.
 
The yogurt is located along the back wall of the store. The woman was standing by the yogurt (Dannon Activia – green label, I think) that was in front of the aisle that had Drano. As I walked passed her, she was behaving skittishly. But, not in a way like she feared me, instead it was more like she didn’t want me to see her. I paid no attention to her and went and got Drano.

When I glanced back, she was right up against the yogurt shelves – she was as close as you could get to the shelf without climbing on it. It seemed very suspicious. So, I circled back – I wanted to know what was going on.

This young, attractive, seemingly well-off (based on her clothes and how she carried herself) female had whipped out a spoon and was scarfing the yogurt. You know how when you eat fast, you make heavy breathing noises? That’s what she was doing. It was spoonful after spoonful of yogurt, like she was trying to win a speed-eating competition. I was shocked.

She was super-involved in it, too. She didn’t notice me until I was nearly six feet from her. I decided to get two extra containers of yogurt since they were 8 for $6. When she noticed me, she freaked, and dropped the spoon, which landed on the shelf and made sound loud enough to make you look, as a reflex.

So, we’re both looking at the spoon. She doesn’t want to look at me, I assume, because of her embarrassment. I didn’t want to look at her for the same reason. She picked up the spoon after maybe 3-4 seconds, and casually walked away. I stood there, still baffled about what I just saw. I chuckled for a minute, and then went about my business, looking for Zip Loc bags.

Finding Zip Loc bags in HT is very difficult because they’re not in a logical place. They’re not near paper products. No! HT puts them by baby diapers. Why, you ask? I have no idea. Also, apparently Zip Loc bags are not worthy of being on the sign above the aisle indicating what’s in it. So, I walked around the store for 10 minutes looking.

Normally, this wouldn’t have bothered me so much. But, I’m sure to the yogurt-stealer, it looked like I was intentionally running into her in every other aisle. The first two times I passed her, she looked a little embarrassed. By the third time, however, she was eating another yogurt.

This time, she was eating it slower, and more casually. She was eating it as she shopped, which I’ve seen people do. But, normally, when people have the intention of paying, they keep the container. Not yuppie yogurt-stealer. No… she ditched the containers, which I’m pretty sure were part of a pack.

The last (fourth) time I met up with her was in frozen food aisle.  She walked by me and I noticed she didn’t have the containers in her basket. I later saw them in the paper towel aisle. I didn’t touch them – fingerprints and all. Hmm, I wonder if she wiped her prints off of them. Also, I wonder if she cased the joint first for cameras. I know HT has them, but I never paid attention to where they were. She probably didn’t wipe down the evidence or verify camera locations because she was far from being a master criminal.

I paid for my groceries and left the store. I never saw the yuppie yogurt-stealer again. But, for most of the ride home, I was wondering if she was a clepto. Was this her normal routine? Or, was she just a hungry, desperate yuppie trying to save $4? I’ll never know for sure.