I know that if you look on the Internet, you can find several blog postings and articles on how to behave at a movie theater. Heck, I even wrote one a little while ago.

Everyone knows that you should turn off your cell phone, and refrain from talking. Sure there are inconsiderate morons who still leave their cell phones on or talk, but for the most part everyone gets it.
 
I’m writing, however, to tell you – from the perspective of both a movie watcher and movie theater employee – of some of the lesser-known movie theater rules; an unspoken movie theater code, if you will, that should be followed to ensure that everything moves smoothly and quickly, and that everyone enjoys their movie watching experience.

First, leave yourself enough time before your movie to buy tickets and get concessions. I can’t tell you how important this is. Most people assume that they have about 15 minutes worth of previews, so if their movie starts at 7:30, they can show up at 7:30 to buy their tickets. Sometimes this works, and there’s no problem. Other times, you show up at 7:30 to see The Hangover and there’s a 7:45 showing of Harry Potter, and guess what? You’re standing in line, and are going to be late.

If this happens, don’t get upset at the person working the box office. It’s not our fault you showed up late. It’s not our fault that the lady in front of you has six kids who are running around like a pack of hyperactive Chihuahuas. It’s not our fault that ticket printer is out of paper. We’re just working here.

After you’ve purchased your tickets, please do us a few favors. One, don’t lose them during the 8- to 10-foot walk to the usher’s stand. Don’t put them in your pocket. Having to fiddle with the tickets in front of the usher’s stand holds up the line and makes you look stupid.

If you do misplace them, don’t go up to the usher’s stand until you find them. I can’t tell you how many times people have emptied their pockets or purses on the usher stand looking for tickets. This slows everyone down, and makes you look like an idiot. Just stand aside feeling through your pockets or purse until you find your ticket.

Number two, don’t give us your credit card receipt. Just give us your tickets. If you’re unsure which is which, look at them. Your movie ticket will have the name of the movie, the date/time and a barcode. If you give us the receipt we just have to waste time handing it back to you.
 
And, favor number three: When trying to enter the theater don’t bring outside food or drink. This is not a new rule, people! Why do you think movie theater concession prices are so high? Because we create the market for them by banning outside food. Some theaters will allow you to bring in regular coffee. But that’s it. And no, your freakin’ tall half-skinny half-1 percent extra hot split quad shot latte with whip does not count as coffee!
 
Don’t try to talk me into letting you in with outside food. It won’t work. Telling me that it is entrapment that there’s a Coldstone right across from the theater and because of that you assumed you could bring it in will not work. Proximity to the theater does not somehow make a certain type of food exempt from the policy. So, if you buy it, you have two options: throw it out or scarf it down. If you chose the latter, don’t complain about getting brain freeze. Deal with it!

I’m not abusing my authority or trying to be an A-hole. The thing is, if you’re seen chillin’ in the lobby eating Coldstone, I have to explain to my manager why I let you in. I also have to explain to other customers why I let you in but made them throw theirs out. So, in the end, you’re not getting in. It just isn’t worth the sh*t.
    
When I tear your ticket, wait a second; you’re going to get a stub back. Don’t just walk away. By doing that you’re making extra work for me because either I have to call back to you to give you your stub, or you’re going to later ask me to remember your face because you have to step out. And please, PLEASE, don’t ask me to remember you when there are a ton of people in the lobby. There’s just too much going on.

And, when I tear your ticket, I’ll also tell you where your theater is. Wait for it. Don’t leave and then come back and ask me. Also, when I tell you which side of the lobby your theater is on, I’ll tell you which way to go based on your position, not mine. If I say, “Theater number three is on your left.” Don’t proceed to my left. Again, it’ll make more work for me because I’ll have to point you in the right direction.

If you keep these things in mind, you should get into the theater quickly and smoothly, and will make my job a whole lot easier. And that would be much appreciated.

Part 2: Concession