In most cases – unless some big summer blockbuster is opening – concession is where you will encounter the longest line. Most of the time people don’t know what they want, and it takes a long time to fill complicated orders. Be patient. Complaining doesn’t make the line move any faster, and will most likely annoy the people around you and make you look like an impatient douche. Just stand and wait, or don’t get food.

If you see one person working the register and another person helping them out, that usually means that the helper doesn’t have a register. So, they can’t take orders, they can only help fill them. This is a management decision, not an employee decision. So, instead of asking why there is only one person taking orders in concession, shut up and be glad that they’re helping expedite the process. If you see two people just talking, not doing anything behind the counter for an extended period of time, then you have a right to be mad.

When it’s your turn to order, know what you want. Don’t ask me for a popcorn and Raisinettes combo and then, once I start preparing it, stop me and say you want a hot dog instead. Same thing goes for soda. The soda tower is automated, so I just need to press one button to start filling up your cup. Because of that, we’re trained to start sodas first. Then we go fulfill the rest of the order. So, if you change your mind from Coke to Sprite, do it quick. Otherwise, you’re going to get Sprite mixed with a hint of Coke because I’m not going to spoil a soda cup. (We count everything at the theater, so we have to account for everything. So, once we start using a cup, we either have to give it to the customer, or we have to give a reason why we’re throwing it out (spoiling). Spoiling too much stuff will get me in trouble, so I have to re-use when it is sanitary).

Depending on the movie theater, some places bag the popcorn before you order it while others – like mine – bag it as you order it. Bagging it per order takes longer, especially if you want butter in the middle. By the way, the butter is not real butter, it is butter flavoring that consists of coconut oil (sometimes it contains coconut, corn and canola oils) and beta carotene. We can’t use real butter because it shrivels the popcorn. Anyway, when ordering, always be clear about whether or not you want butter and whether or not you want it layered (in the middle). Popcorn is a pain in the ass, and doesn’t always fill the bag properly, so pay attention. When we set it down, it may fall over. Just keep an eye out so we don’t have to try to balance it as if we’re trying to pull out a piece during a game of Jenga.

Another thing about the popcorn: we have to push the oldest popcorn first. So, if you order popcorn, we’re going to get it from the bin, not the popper. You can ask for fresh popcorn, but realize it takes a little longer, and will probably annoy those behind you. But, if you don’t care, usually I don’t care. The busier it is, the smaller the time gap between the popcorn in the bin and the popcorn in the popper. So, you probably don’t need to ask for fresher popcorn because the difference is negligible. The oldest popcorn you’re going to get is probably an hour old. You’re not getting popcorn from three days ago, just FYI.

Remember the oldest product is pushed first. So, in theaters that have hot dogs, you’re getting the oldest one on the rollers. That means you’re getting the darkest, hardest, most shriveled one. (If you have time, check out how hot dogs are made. Note: Our movie theater uses 100% beef hot dogs.)  If you request a fresher one, we can give it to you, but then we’ll be asked by our manager and will have to explain it. So, we’re not going to give you the freshest one without you requesting it.

As far as candy goes: if you don’t see it, we don’t have it. If you don’t see Junior Mints in the display case, we don’t have them (even though they have been known to save a life). Just like we don’t have Mountain Dew. The movie theater hypes their product, so everything we have is on display. Also, call your order by the right name: they’re called Reese’s Pieces, not Reese’s Peanuts, Ree-shee pieces, and certainly not those things with the peanuts. If you’re not sure check the display to see what they’re called.

Speaking of display, sizes are also on display. Look around – sometimes up – and you’ll see them. If you want to compare to fast food places, a movie theater small soda is the same size as a fast food chain’s medium. So, when you order a medium, and find that it is the same size as a large McDonalds soda, don’t be surprised. And, don’t – and I can’t stress this enough – grab the cup by the bottom and squeeze. The top will pop off, most likely covering your arm and the counter in soda. I try to warn people of this all the time, but they still do it and still end up with soda on their sleeves. Jabronies.

Once you have everything, I’ll tell you the total. Most everyone, at this point, complains about how high the prices are – “$5 for a soda?” Yes! Movie theater prices are high, and they add up fast. But, I don’t decide on the prices, the owner does. So, I don’t want to hear about how you think you’re getting robbed. Either accept it, or don’t get food.

Part 1: Entering     Part 3: In The Theater