It’s been a while I’ve been to a DC club or bar, mainly because I’m too old. These days, I’d rather sit at home with a good book (read: play video games or watch TV) or go see a movie than go to a bar or club with a bunch of drunken college kids.

But, when my friends, Mike and Alida invited me to Adam’s Morgan for one of their friend’s birthdays, I decided to go. Those of you who know me know that it isn’t really that hard to get me to go to a club.

The night started out good. I played Halo before getting ready – to get me in the younger mindset. I probably would have had a beer or two, but Nadia’s “no food or drink in the room with the new-ish carpet” rule precluded that from happening. Plus, I had to drive a half hour from Herndon to Alexandria, where I was meeting my Mike and Alida.

From Alexandria, we headed over to Mike’s coworker’s place in Crystal City. We were going there to have a couple drinks, then all of us were going to head to Adam’s Morgan.

While a couple of Mike’s coworkers were playing Rock Band/ Guitar Hero, we were trying to figure out the logistics of getting seven people to Adam’s Morgan. The debate, in a nutshell was metro or cab.

We wanted Red Top to send a minivan cab, so we could all fit in one. But, they informed us that the limit in Virginia is four people to a cab. That seemed odd to us, but it also made a new debate: two cabs versus metro.

We spent a good 15 minutes or so trying to figure out how we were going to get there. Ah, just like my clubbing days. I suddenly remembered why I don’t get out much. The logistics of getting more than four people somewhere can be a pain. Plus, it’s hard to get four people to agree, when a few of them have been drinking.

Alida, however, stepped up and took charge. We decided that we would get going because we were meeting Alida’s friends, and Mike’s coworkers would meet us in Adam’s Morgan when they were ready.

The cab arrived and we were on our way, despite having five people, instead of the “legal limit” of four. The cab ride wasn’t too bad, but we certainly were low-riding that cab. Either it had bad shocks or we were exceeding the weight limit – probably a little of both.

Anyway, we went to this dive bar called Dan’s Café. The place was probably a hair bigger than my living room. And, if you ordered a mix drink, you had to make it yourself, which I have to admit, is pretty awesome. You do get a lot of liquor for your buck. And, it’s your chance to feel like you’re in Cocktail, though flipping around a little glass of vodka is neither safe nor smart.

I had a couple of Heinekens, as we waited for Alida’s friends. We arrived there around 9:30, I think. The place was about a quarter full. Within 20 minutes of arriving, though, the place got packed.

For those of you who’ve seen Fight Club, I had to make the @ss-or-crotch choice on my way to and from the bathroom. It was a lose-lose situation, considering the number of dudes waiting by the bar. But, I made it to the bathroom, which was sort of like a toilet in a refrigerator box.

I don’t know about you, but I’m not a fan of a door hitting me in the back while I’m peeing – happened twice.

Anyway, after discussing it, we decided we would leave Dan’s Café and head to Tom Tom, our destination for the night. I’m not sure what time it was at this point, but it seemed to be around 10.

This place was also empty, and freezing. We chose a table close to the door, so we were feeling all of the cold air from outside, but at least we didn’t have to pay a cover. And, alcohol can keep you warm.

A few drinks and an order of chicken strips later, Mike’s coworkers showed up, as did Alida’s friends. We chilled and chatted until Alida decided it was time to dance.

The dance floor, which is really just an open space with a mirror-wall, was cramped and crowded. And, they played music from several years ago, which made it feel much like my college years.

They even played the Percolator, which is not only a funny song, but it also has a funny dance.   So, naturally, I had to dance. One guy thought my Percolator was so good that he cleared out a circle so that his friend and I could do them in unison. His friend, however, was much more serious about it than I was.

It’s been years since I’ve danced – I believe it was the Washingtonpost.com Christmas party in 2006. But, needless to say, I’ve still got it.

Pretty soon, Mike and Alida had to leave. I decided to stay with a couple of Mike’s friends, but we ended up leaving shortly after them.

Getting home was fun. When I left, I started walking towards the Woodley Park Metro station, but about a quarter of the way there, I decided it was too far, plus I wasn’t 100 percent sure where the station was. So, I headed down to Dupont Circle.

I have no idea why I thought Dupont was closer, but I did so I walked the mile and a half to the metro station. I would have caught a cab, but all of the ones on my side of the street were taken. Plus, I kept thinking, “I’m only a few blocks away.”

Well, about 15 minutes later, I arrived at the metro only to see that the train I needed just left. The board said that they were experiencing delays on the red line, and it would be 20 minutes for a train. There’s nothing like sitting in a metro station after a night at a club, waiting for a train. Just like my fresh-out-of-college days.

The 20 minutes flew by, mainly because I was watching a couple that appeared to be on their first or second date. We were there for 20 minutes, and the girl talked, and talked, and talked the whole time. The guy stood there smiling, but I think he said a total of five words: “Really, you lost the Chapstick?” That’s all. (In the time I was there anyway).

I took the red line to Metro Center where I caught the blue line to Van Dorn. That’s a long @ss train ride when you don’t have an iPod. So, I was watching more people. Two really drunk guys stumbled onto the train, I think we were at the Rosslyn station.

The first guy made his way to the seat by the front door. He sat with his legs about as wide apart as they could get comfortably. He did that head bob thing, when you’re falling asleep but trying not to. The second guy sat behind him and laid down.

Between Pentagon City and Crystal City, the bobble head guy started giving the finger to the darkness outside. We were between stations so there wasn’t anyone out there – he was just doing it for absolutely no reason. I’m not entirely sure he was awake, though, so he might have been dreaming.

At Braddock Road, the train brakes made a lot of noise, waking him up. It was fortunate because they were getting off there. He woke his friend and got up and approached the door. His friend got up, looked around, and laid back down. He ran over to his friend yelling for him to get up. He did and they barely made it off of the train.

When I got to Van Dorn, I took a cab to Mike’s place to get my car. I left the bar between 1:15 and 1:30… I got to my car at 3 a.m. Yes, I remember why I don’t go out much.

It’s about a half hour from Herndon to Virginia, via 395, 495, and the Dulles Toll Road. The first toll is 75 cents, the second is 50 cents. You could cut through Tyson’s and miss the 75-cent toll, but I just wanted to get home, so I stayed on the highway. What a mistake.

I had quarters so I went to the only “exact change” lane. Normally, it would have taken two seconds to go through the toll, but not tonight. No. I drove up and put my 75 cents in the basket. I heard it jingle, but nothing happened. I threw in another quarter – nothing. I turned on my hazards and opened the door.

There was a quarter on the ground, so I threw that in thinking it may have missed. Nothing happened. But, I heard change jingling – like someone was shaking a handful of change. I look in the basket and there’s a dollar and a bunch of quarters in the exact change basket. The dollar is blocking the change from going down. And, my monster hands are too big to fit in the opening.

I had to get a pen and move the dollar, which allowed all the change to fall in and the toll to open. So, I headed back to Herndon. I was willing to let the state of Virginia have my extra 50 cents, as long as I got home.

But, of course, when I got to the Herndon exit toll, I chose the left lane toll, since I was making a left turn. I threw in my 50 cents, and guess what – nothing happened. $#%$&^&%^ I put my hazards on again and get out of the car. I look in the basket, and there’s quarters, dimes, nickels, and pennies stuck in there.

At the first toll, at least the motor was spinning. At this one, nothing was happening. I tried the pen again. Nothing… So, I had to back up and go to the right lane toll. I threw my 50 cents in, and went through.

* At first, I thought the gates were down at both tolls. But, they were only down at the main toll. The second toll did not have a gate, so I really don’t know why I didn’t just drive through it, and contact the Dulles Toll Road people the next day. It was after 3 a.m., so I may not have been thinking.

Anyway, I’m planning on contacting them because I want my dollar back – it’s not the money it’s the principle. So stayed tuned for how that goes.

So, after an ill-advised trip to McDonalds (breaking an almost two-year streak of not eating there) I got a quarter-pounder meal. It was gross. But, it did sop up the alcohol in my stomach, so I can’t complain too much.

When all was said and done, since leaving the bar, I walked two miles to the metro, rode 14 stops on the metro, and drove 25 miles home. It was shortly after 4 a.m. It was then that I remembered why I rarely go out to DC anymore.

I should note that despite all of this I had a really good time. But next time, I’ll remember this vital rule to going clubbin’: Leave when your ride leaves…