By now, you’ve all heard about the 17-year-old fool Steve Consalvi, who decided to run on the field during the eighth inning of Monday night’s game against the St. Louis Cardinals. He ran around for a few minutes, actin’ a fool, before taking a Taser shot to the back. If you hadn’t heard, read about it here.

I really, really love the picture from the AP. The look on Consalvi’s face is awesome. It’s almost as if he can sense something bad is about to happen. He probably thought he’d get tackled; little did he realize he was about to get lit up.

Next time you watch a footrace – a real, competitive, sanctioned footrace, not two drunken idiots sprinting in front of a bar – you’ll notice that most, if not all of the runners frown. Why? Don’t know, really. My guess is that it has something to do with competition, focus and determination.

Know who doesn’t usually frown when they run? NFL running backs. Know why? Because they’re constantly looking around to see if anyone is about to catch them – on long runs, anyway. So, if you look at Consalvi’s face in the picture, his eyebrows are raised and he’s looking to the side, much like a RB.

When you add in the nervous grimace on his face, he looks like he just figured out that he bit off more than he could chew. The funniest thing about this pic is that Consalvi has no idea that the cop is getting ready to light him up.

The cop doesn’t look really out of shape, but he’s getting smoked by this kid. This is clearly due to lack of effort, since Consalvi wasn’t exactly displaying 4.4 speed. In the pic, Consalvi’s hat is about to come off, since he’s really running. The cop’s hat is firmly in place, indicating that he is not traveling at that high a rate of speed.

If you watch the video, it looks like the cop isn’t even trying to catch him. If that was 100% effort, wow is that dude slow. Maybe he just doesn’t run much. His flailing arms and short stride are poor form.

Fortunately for him, there are a lot of officials, allowing them to create outside containment. Consalvi has no choice but to flip a U. When I watched this unfold it reminded me of when cops try to contain a deer; they know they can’t run it down, so they try to direct its path.

Consalvi made a wide u-turn. Note: when you’re being chased, you’ve got to make crisp, clean cuts and changes in direction. Consalvi instead chose the “slow arc” U-turn. It didn’t matter much since the cop took such a bad angle – he must not have played football – allowing Consalvi to split him and another official while taunting them with his towel. But he failed to realize that the cop was lining up the shot. Then, ZZZT! Consalvi went down kind of like he was sliding into home plate. And that was that.

Now, if he had faked inside, then went outside after his arcing U-turn, he would have been too far away from the cop to get tased. But, obviously he wasn’t making sound decisions considering he was on the field in the first place.

Later we find out that the dude called his pops and asked if it was okay to run on the field. That’s really mistake number 1. If you have to call your parent and ask permission to do something like that, you obviously don’t have the brass ones required to pull it off. So don’t do it.

But, if you just can’t resist, you really ought to wear cleats. Sneakers aren’t really going to give you the traction you need to perform the cuts and plants required to get some cheers. Fans like it when the security guards fall over or get faked out in these situations. Also, you should learn how to juke. Throw in a stutter step, a head fake, a spin move, something to buy yourself a little time. You don’t even need to be fast to fake someone out. If you’re really brave, you might even try a stiff arm, but that might count as assault.

You also have to have your head on a swivel. We can all tell that dude is going to get tased, no doubt. Watch the cop; the only time he isn’t aiming at Consalvi is when he’s too far to hit him. Had Consalvi bothered to check out the video boards or look over his shoulder, he would have known to start weaving instead of running in a straight line.

Sort of like Boyz n the Hood… You’re telling me Ricky Baker is a star running back being courted by USC to play football yet he doesn’t know enough to zigzag when Ferris is aiming a gun at him? Never run in a straight line, you’re much better off zigzagging. Be unpredictable. Consalvi should’ve used that advice.

Running on the field never ends well, if you’re a dude. Chicks don’t get tackled. But a dude, will get jacked up. So what’s the point? These days, they don’t even show you on TV and the idea is not original. Plus, you just end up looking like a d-bag.