I really, really love the picture from the AP. The look on Consalvi’s face is awesome. It’s almost as if he can sense something bad is about to happen. He probably thought he’d get tackled; little did he realize he was about to get lit up.

Next time you watch a footrace – a real, competitive, sanctioned footrace, not two drunken idiots sprinting in front of a bar – you’ll notice that most, if not all of the runners frown. Why? Don’t know, really. My guess is that it has something to do with competition, focus and determination.

Know who doesn’t usually frown when they run? NFL running backs. Know why? Because they’re constantly looking around to see if anyone is about to catch them – on long runs, anyway. So, if you look at Consalvi’s face in the picture, his eyebrows are raised and he’s looking to the side, much like a RB.

When you add in the nervous grimace on his face, he looks like he just figured out that he bit off more than he could chew. The funniest thing about this pic is that Consalvi has no idea that the cop is getting ready to light him up.

The cop doesn’t look really out of shape, but he’s getting smoked by this kid. This is clearly due to lack of effort, since Consalvi wasn’t exactly displaying 4.4 speed. In the pic, Consalvi’s hat is about to come off, since he’s really running. The cop’s hat is firmly in place, indicating that he is not traveling at that high a rate of speed.

If you watch the video, it looks like the cop isn’t even trying to catch him. If that was 100% effort, wow is that dude slow. Maybe he just doesn’t run much. His flailing arms and short stride are poor form.

Fortunately for him, there are a lot of officials, allowing them to create outside containment. Consalvi has no choice but to flip a U. When I watched this unfold it reminded me of when cops try to contain a deer; they know they can’t run it down, so they try to direct its path.

Consalvi made a wide u-turn. Note: when you’re being chased, you’ve got to make crisp, clean cuts and changes in direction. Consalvi instead chose the “slow arc” U-turn. It didn’t matter much since the cop took such a bad angle – he must not have played football – allowing Consalvi to split him and another official while taunting them with his towel. But he failed to realize that the cop was lining up the shot. Then, ZZZT! Consalvi went down kind of like he was sliding into home plate. And that was that.

Now, if he had faked inside, then went outside after his arcing U-turn, he would have been too far away from the cop to get tased. But, obviously he wasn’t making sound decisions considering he was on the field in the first place.

Later we find out that the dude called his pops and asked if it was okay to run on the field. That’s really mistake number 1. If you have to call your parent and ask permission to do something like that, you obviously don’t have the brass ones required to pull it off. So don’t do it.

But, if you just can’t resist, you really ought to wear cleats. Sneakers aren’t really going to give you the traction you need to perform the cuts and plants required to get some cheers. Fans like it when the security guards fall over or get faked out in these situations. Also, you should learn how to juke. Throw in a stutter step, a head fake, a spin move, something to buy yourself a little time. You don’t even need to be fast to fake someone out. If you’re really brave, you might even try a stiff arm, but that might count as assault.

You also have to have your head on a swivel. We can all tell that dude is going to get tased, no doubt. Watch the cop; the only time he isn’t aiming at Consalvi is when he’s too far to hit him. Had Consalvi bothered to check out the video boards or look over his shoulder, he would have known to start weaving instead of running in a straight line.

Sort of like Boyz n the Hood… You’re telling me Ricky Baker is a star running back being courted by USC to play football yet he doesn’t know enough to zigzag when Ferris is aiming a gun at him? Never run in a straight line, you’re much better off zigzagging. Be unpredictable. Consalvi should’ve used that advice.

Running on the field never ends well, if you’re a dude. Chicks don’t get tackled. But a dude, will get jacked up. So what’s the point? These days, they don’t even show you on TV and the idea is not original. Plus, you just end up looking like a d-bag.

He wasn’t wearing a tie.

I don’t know about you, but when someone is selling me something (in this case Tiger trying to sell me the fact that he is sorry. *Cough* *cough* bullsh_t *cough* *cough*) I prefer they’d be wearing a tie. It shows me that they’re taking the whole thing seriously. Sans tie gives the impression of someone who is down to earth and laid back, which is not what you want in this situation. If you want me to believe you, wear a tie. And none of that Jonas Brothers/Justin Timberlake casual tie BS! Hate that look. Wear a formal tie with a Windsor knot. That way, you can do the “let me be straight with you” tie-loosen to earn my trust.

He shouldn’t have read from cards.

With all the advancements we’ve seen in teleprompter technology, there’s absolutely no reason for you to come out to address the public with written notes on 3X5 cards. It makes me think you scribbled down your speech 15 minutes before you came out. That, or you’re studying for a French test. Forbes estimated Tiger’s net worth to be $600 million last year. So he could certainly afford to obtain Barack Obama’s teleprompters for this presser.

When you’re reading from 3X5 cards, you have to keep looking down. I once read somewhere that when a person breaks eye contact from another person, the direction their eyes move indicates their level of confidence. If, for example, I’m looking at you, and we make eye contact, then I look down, it indicates I am intimidated or that I am not confident. If I look away to the side, I’m confident and not intimidated. (No idea what it means if I look up after looking you in the eye, so don’t ask.)

Anyway, Tiger had to keep looking down, which makes us naturally question how committed he was to the words on those cards since he didn’t appear confident. And when you add in the awkward pauses that were created when looking at the cards, it appears insincere. Unnatural breaks in a conversation create the appearance of dishonesty. It’s like stalling. We all consciously know he needs to pause to look at the cards, but subconsciously will still think he’s being dishonest.

There were also a few points in the presser that he looked like he was making forced pauses. It was like he was counting in his head the number of seconds to pause. One of the instances was when he was denying allegations that Elin hit him. He said:

Elin has shown enormous grace and poise throughout this ordeal. (seemingly forced pause) (Head shake) Elin deserves praise not blame.

It could have been that Tiger picked a bad time to forget what to say next. Or it could have been a forced pause. It just seemed forced the way it played out.

He misused inflection.

Anyone who is a skilled public speaker knows how to use inflection to their advantage. Without even knowing how to use, most people know how different inflection changes the meaning of a sentence. “I’m so sorry” is not the same as “I am soooooooo sorry.” So, when Tiger began speaking in a flat, monotonous tone, I would think a lot of people found it insincere. If an apology has consistent changes in inflection and volume, it’s much more likely to be believed.

The only times Tiger’s inflection changed is when he was telling the press to leave his family alone, and denying the allegations of domestic abuse by Elin. And even then, he got louder, but not passionate. He was probably told not to express any anger in the presser because then the press would have more incentive to bury him. But, truth be told, most of the damage is done. So, passionately expressing his anger wouldn’t have been a big deal. If anything, it would prove he is human and had feelings.

He should have expressed a little more sincere anger during the presser. Again, he got loud, but not passionate. Had he expressed genuine anger, it would have added conviction to what he was saying. Then, perhaps, people would have believed him a little more.

He should have practiced his facial expressions more.

Some would characterize Tiger’s facial expressions as sorrowful, but not me. I think they were a little bit distant… detached. (This might sound a little low and conniving… and it is, but) Tiger should have been intensely rubbing his eyes before the presser to make them red. Red eyes makes people think he’s been crying. Crying before the presser would have made him seem more sincere… like he’s truly sorry. Crying at the presser probably would have felt insincere if Tiger is a bad actor.

Anyway, Tiger came out with a somewhat blank stare, which made the audience more aware that he was reading a pre-rehearsed speech. Had he talked with his hands more (He wouldn’t have had to hold cards if he was using the prompters) and used a few more facial expressions, he could have displayed the conviction of his words, thus fostering believability.

His facial expressions from this presser could just as easily have been used in a presser announcing some new Nike golf balls.

I’m not trying to be hard on Tiger because I don’t believe him. I really don’t care. If he’s sorry, that’s great. If not, that’s fine too. Who am I to judge?

At the end of the day, these are just my own personal thoughts of his presser. They could be completely wrong or dead on. But either way, they’re just my opinions.

Before I end this, I’ll just include some things I think Tiger should have said in his presser:

I’m here today to unveil my new iPhone app called Woods B Gone. It automatically erases all of the female names from your contact list. Man, I wish I had that. Just kidding, but seriously, I apologize.

It wasn’t me. It was my evil twin, Lion Woods.

The only performance-enhancing drug I used was Viagra.

As Elin pointed out to me, my real apology to her will not come in the form of words… it will come in the form of a big @ss Diamond ring. Thanks for the idea, Kobe.

See the presser:

What quality of milk makes it such a hot, pre-snowstorm purchase? Is there another use of which I am unaware? Does pouring milk over your tires, and/or shoes, make them adhere to snow better, thus allowing you to get around? Maybe milk can somehow be turned into a fuel, suitable for use in a generator?

I’ve never heard a single person utter the words, “It’s going to snow? I’d better go get some gas for my generator.” It’s always milk, bread, and eggs*. Sure, people go and buy gas… but they don’t seem to advertise it like the milk-buyers.

* Based on a completely unscientific poll of one person (myself), I found that the items most people purchase before a snowstorm are milk, bread, and eggs in that order. Apparently, when we hear it’s going to snow, we all get a hankerin’ for some French toast, or some sort of bizarre milk and egg sandwich.
 
The milk-buyers seem to want to perpetuate the panic – making others buy milk – which is ironic when you think about it, because they’re the same people who complain that they couldn’t get milk because it was sold out.

At work, I heard about the snowstorm at least a dozen times. And, everytime someone brought it up, another person said, “Yeah, I need to get to the store to get some milk.” It was like a programmed response. Perhaps it’s a subliminal message embedded in those “Got Milk?” ads.

Why, though? Why is everyone in such a rush to get milk at first report of a major snowstorm? I racked my brain for a while, and came up with a few possible answers, but nothing that could concretely explain the need to rush to the store for milk. So, I asked others to see if maybe I was the only one struggling to figure out why people needed milk.

The most common response I received was, “Why do you care?” Well, because I’ve got nothing better to do, so why not. Once we got past that part, I got many different possible answers.
 
A lot of people said that they wanted hot cocoa or coffee. Okay, but do we really need to rush to the store for milk for coffee and/or hot cocoa? I mean, are we going to freeze to death without cocoa or coffee?

Some people also said that you can make a lot of different things with milk, bread, and eggs. And while this is true, you can also make a lot of things without them. Well, unless your plan is to bake a cake. Then, you you’re probably going to want some milk and eggs. I wonder if snowstorms affect cake-mix sales.

One person mentioned needing milk for an infant, which makes some sense. But, a lot of infants drink breast milk. Those that don’t, probably use formula. In a jam, formula can be made with water, though. A few days without milk won’t hurt your kid. But, there’s a certain peace of mind that comes with having milk for your kid. And that brings me to the most logical answer.
 
It is psychological. When people hear that they’re going to be stuck at home for a while, they panic. They anticipate that they’ll run out of milk. And, due to the run on milk that a snowstorm brings, and the likelihood that stores won’t receive milk deliveries due to the snow, they fear that they won’t be able to get any for several days.

It’s not a rational way of thinking. But, herd mentality is rarely rational. Chances are, most of us will not run out of milk or food, even if we’re trapped inside for an extended period of time. Sure, you may have to eat that can of Spaghetti Os you’ve had for a year and a half. But, you won’t run out of food. So, you probably don’t have rush to the store ahead of the storm. But, you do it because it gives you peace of mind.

A senior vice president with the National Milk Producers Federation speculated:

Just like with bread and toilet paper – two other items that seem to sell quickly before a storm – milk is viewed by many as a daily staple, and so people don’t want to be in a position of running out of it if they’re snowed under.  There’s probably some herd mentality behind it, but milk is one of the few products that virtually all households consume on a daily basis.

The VP was right. I don’t think I’ve ever been in a house that didn’t consume milk. If you ask someone for milk, and they don’t have it, they say, “We’re out of milk.” They never say, “We don’t consume milk in this house. We don’t believe in it.” And if they did, you’d think they were crazy. Whoever advertises milk has done a good job of convincing everyone that they must use it.

Anyway, I checked the store. At 10 p.m. the night before the storm, the grocery store was filled with frantic people trying to snatch up just about every bit of food they could in anticipation of the snowplocalypse.

Giant had a few security guards on duty to maintain order, I assume.

The store was out of most produce. They had no apples, oranges, or bananas. They were out of every type of lettuce, except a couple of bags of nasty looking Dole lettuce. They were even out of tomatoes. They were also out of all sizes of skim milk. Strangely enough, they had plenty of Vitamin D milk. I guess those who panic are watching their weight or lactose intolerant.

There were still eggs left, but there was a decent-sized crowd around them. White bread was completely gone, but you could get plenty of wheat. Toilet paper was almost sold out. The good brands — Scotts, Charmin — were all gone. But, you could get plenty of the store brand.

So, there you have it. Snow-induced milk purchases are a product of herd mentality — they’re psychological. Having milk — even if you dont drink it — is a security blanket that will keep you safe during a snowstorm. At least, that’s what we think.

As I frequently drive this route, I know where I need to be at what point on the highway to ensure that I don’t get trapped and end up getting on I-270. On the inner loop, the area between the River Road exit and the I-270 entrance can get a little dicey; it’s six lanes of people darting from one side to the other, trying to make their exits.
 
Sundays aren’t as bad as rush hour, but people still make maniacal lane changes. I anticipate a bit of stupidity, but I still casually make my way over because I know I have plenty of time. I’m not going to get boxed in by three people who all decide to drive even.*

* This is a public service announcement to all of you drivers out there: don’t drive even, ever! Driving even is when you drive right next to someone and match their speed. People often block two-lane highways with this technique. Not only is it annoying (it’s the number one complaint of drivers who drive Blue Hondas with tape on the rear quarter panel) but it’s unsafe as it removes your ability to swerve around something in the road.
 
The first two lane changes were uneventful. There were a couple of people trying to get into the left lanes, but they managed to stay out of my way, and I theirs. I had one more lane to go to make my exit, but I usually move over two to avoid those people who realize at the last second they need to get over and dart into the left-most, right-exit lane.

I checked my passenger side mirror to make my penultimate (yeah that’s right penultimate!) lane change when I noticed a bunch of cars rapidly approaching me. I was doing about 70, so these guys had to be doing at least 10-15 mph faster than me… maybe even 20.

I elected not to be a d*ck and cut them off, so I let them go by. The first car was a Porsche Cayman S (yes, this time I verified it was). The second car was a Porsche 911 Turbo. The next two were a pair of BMWs, one M3 and one 3-Series with rims. They were followed by a Mini Cooper and an AMG Mercedes (Based on the taillights, I think it was a 2007 E63 AMG, but not sure).

After they passed me, it became clear that if they were trying to race each other/show off.
 
I’m not sure if they were just a bunch of a-holes who got together to race on the Beltway on a Sunday, or if they were some sort of German car club. If they had all been driving the same car, I would have assumed a car club because I have twice encountered Nissan 350Z car clubs on the Beltway and they display similar driving styles: speeding and erratic lane changes all to the sounds of thumping techno. (Speaking of which, how do you type the techno drum sound… is it umpp tsst umpp tsst umpp tsst?)

A Nissan Maxima attempted to join in with them, but he couldn’t keep up. I actually think they intentionally smoked him because his car cost less than $50,000 and it had a dent or two.

I don’t know about you, but the last thing I want, when dealing with a six-lane melee, is a bunch of d-bags in high-priced cars flying around, making crazy lane changes that defy logic and safety.
 
Anyway, as we continued on, traffic started backing up. It wasn’t that we were slowing down, just that there was a lot of volume. Cayman and 911 Turbo (leaders?) decided it would be a good time dart between lanes just to earn one or two car lengths on each other. This is on top of the people already darting around to make their exits.

Their unexpected and sometimes erratic lane changes seemed to freak every other driver out (with the exception of me, the Maxima, and the other guys in their group). So, everyone was hard on their brakes. This caused even more erratic lane changes (evasive maneuvers) by the Mini, BMWs, and the AMG.

Not that I condone this kind of stupidity, but the Mini had what I would consider the nicest move when he squeezed in between the two Porsches and then darted in front of an 18-wheeler and took off. His lead was short-lived however, because once the 911 Turbo cleared the 18-wheeler, he caught and passed the Mini easily. I don’t know the 0-60 time of the 911 Turbo, but its 60-90 time was incredibly short.

For the next mile or so, all of them consistently pulled away from me and my 4-cylinder Honda. The only way I could actually recognize them is by their crazy lane changes and the sea of brake lights behind them. Then, they were gone.

I managed to catch up to them when they had to slow down to get on to I-95 going north, which was about 10 miles or so later. The I-95 exit always backs up because it has two relatively sharp corners that slow drivers down. So, all of them were slowing down to exit when I passed them. (Take that!)

I snapped a couple of photos with my camera phone, but the quality isn’t great. Plus, since I had to concentrate on, you know, driving, I couldn’t make sure the pics were framed well.

It’s actually funny that with all of their lane changes, crazy driving, and aggressive speeds, we still managed to arrive at the exit at about the same time. I guess to them it isn’t about saving time; it’s about showing off what their cars can do, which is much more than my Honda.

*If someone told you that Bobby Brown was from Atlanta, you would believe it, wouldn’t you? If someone said he was from Boston, you probably wouldn’t. Nor would you, if given the choice, choose Boston as his hometown over Atlanta. I’m not really sure why, though.

I highly, highly doubt that Atlanta would have sought to commemorate anything Bobby Brown has done, pre-, during, or post-Whitney Houston. You can read some of his sad story here.

I believe it was named after Robert T Brown, a Navy lieutenant who died in WWII. There’s a park in Georgia named after him as well, so that makes much more sense. Would have been much funnier, though, if it was named after B Brown.

And, why do people insist on convering My Prerogative?

Anoop:

Britney:

And yes, LeBron James (although his is just for humor):

 
Was it really that good of a song?

My initial reaction was that they had just heard the news of a loved one’s death, so I left them to grieve privately; it wasn’t my business. I can’t pinpoint how long they were there, but it had been about 3-5 minutes since I returned to the lobby.
 
It was at this time that she calmly walked up to me. I was expecting her to ask me for a refund. Instead, she softly said, “Do you guys have an AED (automated external defibrillator.  Thanks Custom Briefings and American College of Cardiology).” I told her that we do not. She then asked, “Could you please dial 911? He’s having severe chest pains.” For a split second, I thought to myself, “Is she serious? Why isn’t she freaking out?”
 
Anyway, I radioed the manager so he could call from the movie theater’s land line. And, it was a good thing I did. Our manager is a nice guy, but he totally became flustered when the pressure was on. He blanked on both the address and the phone number of the theater. Fortunately the dispatcher had them both on hand because he called from the land line.

He then made his way over to the couple, and was talking to the dispatcher. About 2 minutes had passed. The dispatcher was asking about the severity of the pains, where the pains were, if he was stressed out, if he had eaten, etc. Another 2 minutes had passed. Then, the manager handed the phone to the man with chest pains. They spent another 3 minutes going over his symptoms.
 
It felt like an eternity. Nine minutes had passed. It seemed like the dispatcher was making sure that he was really having a problem before dispatching the EMTs. Now, it could be that the dispatcher notified the EMTs and kept talking to him. But, it really didn’t feel that way based on his responses. After about 7 minutes (total), he told his wife that they were sending EMTs. (This is why I believe they weren’t dispatched up to this point.)

He hung up, and waited. About 2 more minutes (now 11 minutes total) had gone by when I saw the flashing lights outside. It took about 30 seconds for the EMTs to get out of the ambulance, and when they did, they casually walked in; like they were just coming from the gym. Don’t ask why I thought that because I really don’t know. It might have been how they were carrying their bags.
 
Once they did reach him, getting him on the stretcher and loaded into the ambulance did not take long at all. It was a matter of seconds before they were gone. In that time, a small crowd had amassed. People are very nosy. One guy was standing there watching this whole thing unfold while eating popcorn. I know this was a serious moment, and I really hope the guy is okay, but I have to admit, seeing the guy lounging there eating popcorn like he was watching a movie was kinda funny.

Anyhow, with the way the thing was handled, I was wondering if emergency responders now have to make sure that an emergency is a real emergency before dispatching help in an effort to deal with shrinking budgets. Eleven minutes is an eternity, especially when you can’t do anything to help.

The fire station is located about one mile from the location of the theater, which according to Google should take about three minutes, which doesn’t factor in traffic lights. It would probably take a normal person about 10 minutes, with lights and traffic. It took about 4-5 minutes (assuming they left around the time when he told his wife they were on their way). So, again, I don’t know when they were dispatched. But, if they had been at the beginning of the call, they would have been there long before the guy hung up the phone.

Don’t get me wrong, I commend the EMTs for helping this guy, and I understand if they have to make sure it really is an emergency. I’m not making a case for or against. All I’m doing is observing. But, I’ll tell you what, I would have felt better if they ran inside like they do on TV. A sense of urgency would have made me feel better.

When we entered the theater, there were a few open rows left, so we decided on a row that was about half way up, and it only had two other people in it, all of the way on the other side of the row.

As we watched the advertisement reel, more and more people came in — mostly young, loud girls. The theater started to fill up.

Now, proper movie theater etiquette requires a one-seat buffer between people that don’t know each other. Only when a row is almost completely filled can you overrule the buffer zone. But, for some reason, people who go to Tyson’s don’t seem to understand this rule.

Another rule is, don’t sit directly in front of people. If there is an entire row open in front of two people. If you decide to sit in that row, sit one or two seats to the left or the right, not directly in front of them. People in Tyson’s don’t get this rule either.

Within five minutes of sitting down, I had people directly in front of me, directly behind me, and on both sides. I should say that the people who sat on both sides of us left one-seat buffers. We put napkins and my gf’s purse on the seats next to us to encourage the buffer.

As the start time grew closer, we began to realize that our buffer zone would soon be gone. Our row was popular and filling up fast.

This couple walked in and started eyeing our row. I knew these would be the people to enter our buffer. I had a feeling. It bothered me at first, but then I thought that it wasn’t a big deal considering that the movie theater was pretty full, meaning all buffer bets were off.

The couple on our left had a one-seat buffer on each side of them as well. So, the couple that entered the row asked them if they could move over one seat, creating two seats together, but killing both our and their buffer zone.

The guy, who just reaked of douch-ness and was wearing a Hawaiian shirt, said, “I don’t know. I’m kind of liking this seat.” And he wasn’t being funny. What a douche!

The girl he was with, however, overruled him and said, “Oh, he’ll move.” And so he did.

But, stop and think about it. You have to be a pretty big a-hole to not want to move over one or two seats so someone could sit with their friend. I mean, really. If someone asks you to move over, how can you say no?

This douche obviously could, which was surprising. Almost as surprising as wearing a Hawaiian shirt and thinking it looks good.