Remember the 40 inches of snow we got at the end of 2009? It was buried in his driveway uncovered during that storm.  Remember Thundersnow that made for a nightmare commute? Again, outside, uncovered during that storm. What’s worse, he’s got a garage! (My guess is it has junk in it. I should note that I have never seen the inside of his garage.)

Anyway, every time I see this guy’s Porsche, I feel like he doesn’t respect it. Why on Earth would you buy a $60,000 sports car (assuming he bought it new in 2006) to leave it out in the elements?!?!?! That’s like buying a copy of The Amazing Spiderman No. 1 today and reading it while eating Buffalo wings!!!!

But, this guy isn’t the only one. My father and I went to get propane two years ago on July 4th. While we’re getting my tank filled at Fairfax Propane, a guy in a silver 911 drives up. He’s got the tank on his passenger seat.  I mean, what the Fraggle Rock! “Hmm. Why don’t I plop this filthy, rusted tank in my $80,000 vehicle. Brilliant!” (Yes, he has a British accent.)

I always thought that these two dudes were exceptions. But now, it seems Porsche wants it that way. On Sunday… I was watching TV when this commercial came on:

Are you kidding me?!?!?!?!

The purpose of this ad is to show that a Porsche can be used as a daily driver. Marshall Ross, chief creative officer, Cramer-Krasselt, the agency via which Porsche Cars North America is running this campaign, said:

What is markedly different about this campaign is we are not selling the dream-car mystique of Porsche – that is already a given. The creative challenge here was to tell the truth of the drivability of the car and still make it feel as special as it really is.

The only reason you buy a Porsche, in my opinion, is because it’s got dream-car mystique, albeit less than the Lamborghinis and Ferraris I see cruising down Rt. 28. But still! I’m not buying a Porsche so I can run over to Costco and by the jumbo pack of paper towels!

Are you really going to take the Cayman over to Home Depot to pick up mulch, or whatever the dude was carrying in the commercial?

A snowmobile? Let’s assume for a second that its rear-engine helps improve its handling in the snow, would you really take your 911 out so it can be covered in dirty slush, sand and salt? If your answer is yes, you’re a fool. A rich fool, but a fool nonetheless.

A school bus? Not if your kids are over four feet tall, and you have more than two.

Getaway car? Well, yeah okay… that one is fine.

Obviously, I’m not a fan of this new “everyday” campaign. Porsche has built its reputation on being a car for the elite. They should keep it that way.

By now, you’ve all seen the ads; various people punching others while calling out the color of the Volkswagen they just saw. Punch! “Black one!” Har. Har. Har. (That’s my sarcastic laugh.) These ads annoy me… a @#$%$ lot.

In case you’re wondering – and I’m sure you’re not – the punch buggy game started somewhere around the 1960s, based on unofficial sources and personal accounts from players, whatever that means.  In its new ad campaign, VW claims that Charlie “Sluggy” Patterson is the guy who made a game out of seeing the VW Beetle and punching his friends. This, however, is humorous fiction created for the ad campaign.

Most of us know that the point of the game is to punch someone in the arm when you see a VW Beetle while calling out “Punch Buggy” or “Slug Bug.” (Punchy buggy sounds way better, just FYI.) But, there is much more to it, at least if you ask Beetlemania, unauthorized keeper of the official Punch Buggy rules.

I’m not sure why Beetlemania is the authority on the game – probably because s/he’s the only one willing to admit to playing the game for 42 years (sad) or perhaps because, before this ad campaign, s/he was the only one still playing it – or even if this person is the authority, but I’ll accept that this person is because, well…why not?

So, according to Beetlemania, a punch buggy can be any of the following: a vintage type 1 or standard Beetle, a vintage Super Beetle, “Beetlesque coach-builts such as a Hebmüller or Karmann Cabriolet,” a non-German, air-cooled Beetle, a modified-but-still-recognizable Beetle, or a New VW Beetle.

The new Beetle is a point of contention for some punch buggy players, as some view it as invalid for game purposes. Seriously. But, as the older models become rare, some players may allow new Beetles to count in the game, to keep it going. In these situations, older Beetles count for two punches.

Beetlemania, however, thinks that the new Beetles count. But, any Beetle modified so that it is not recognizable does not count. That means the Bradley GT, the HumBug (Hummer on Beetle chassis?), the Rometsch, the 181 Kurierwagen (called Thing in the US), and (as Beetlemania puts it) “any other product of Volkswagen beyond those listed as qualifying above — regardless of what some high paid marketing consultant may want you to believe” — doesn’t count. (Photos: What Constitutes A Punch Buggy?)

Why? Well, Beetlemania argues that “one of the allures of playing Punch Buggy has always been that Punch Buggies, by their very nature, are a) readily identifiable as such and b) somewhat uncommon.” If you allow any VW to count, the game would become boring, or there would be so much hitting that the game would become banned by parents (as it’s kids who usually play during car trips).

I know that VW thinks it’s clever for coming up with this campaign, branding it as a whole new game, but come on! I liked the campaign when the cars crashed unexpectedly. At least those showed us something about the car.

Here is one of the ads:

Anyway, here are some other interesting tidbits I found out about the punch buggy game.

A standard game consists of calling out, “Punch buggy” while punching the person on the arm. Some players require the color of the punch buggy to be called out to limit calling out a fake buggy. By calling the color, the player has more proof it exists. And, if the player calls the wrong color, the opposing player may punch the original caller.

Beetlemania says that each called punch buggy is worth a point for the first person who calls it. If you wrongly identify a punch buggy or call out the wrong color, you lose a point. You can be double punched if you’ve already delivered a punch to the opposing player. Or the person can save the punch to take away a legitimate punch buggy punch from you later.

Also, hits should be firm, yet gentle. You shouldn’t hit a person harder than you want to be hit. Also, you can’t call out punch buggy and punch someone for a Beetle you or someone in your family owns*.

* Beetlemania writes, “You don’t really ‘own’ a Punch Buggy. You adopt them and they become members of the family. If you have a Punch Buggy in the family you will understand what I mean.”

Similarly, you can’t punch someone when you pass a VW dealer with several Beetles on the lot. It seems that Beetlemania has covered just about every situation. S/he even writes, “Punch Buggies being moved from a car-carrier parked in the street in front of a Volkswagen dealership to the lot or vice-versa may or may not be fair game.”

Fascinating!

I liked the way the story started – I always appreciate a good story-teller, and I think Dan Wetzel did a good job of setting the scene. It was engaging and entertaining, despite most readers already knowing the outcome. (He couldn’t complete the simple pass due to a lack of strength in his arm/throwing shoulder.) Then, after about three short paragraphs, I came to a line that sent me into a fit of rage – assuming fit of rage actually means annoyed me enough to blog about it.

Explaining why McCoy lied to doctors and trainers about being able to go back in, Wetzel wrote:

He wanted back out there.

This sentence makes me cringe every time I read it. This is one of my biggest written or verbal pet peeves.

It’s not that I think I’m some sort of grammatical god who never makes mistakes. But, c’mon, man. “He wanted TO GET back out there” or “He wanted TO BE back out there.” Not the way Wetzel wrote it.

I first encountered the dropping of “to be” while I was attending Penn State. A lot – not all but a lot – of western Pennsylvania locals drop their to be’s. “Your car needs washed.” Or, “Your tie needs straightened.” I’m sure there are people all over the country who do this, so I can’t restrict it to western PA-ers. But, that’s where I first heard it. My girlfriend does it from time to time, and she’s from Virginia, so that proves it isn’t only Pennsylvania people.

I can let it go in conversation. There are a lot of things I say conversationally that I wouldn’t write down. Well, except maybe in this blog… But, you get the point! In Wetzel’s case, however, I can’t let it go. This was written in a news story for a major (if Yahoo! counts as major) news outlet. This should never happen. Maybe this is why stodgy old print journalists seem to hate new media journalists.

I’m not saying Wetzel needs fired; I’m just saying he needs talked to… Grrrrrrrrr…. How do people write like that?

* If you didn’t notice the headline was missing to be, then perhaps you are a part of the problem. Please, become a part of the solution.

When she hands me the cup, I guess her phone vibrated, because she looked at it, held it below the counter, opened it and giggled. She just got a text. Sigh.
 
It didn’t bother me that I had to wait. I mean, I was only waiting for a minute. But, it’s getting annoying because high school kids are texting too damn much.

At the theater, we’re not supposed to carry our phones, but everyone does – except maybe the managers. And every chance these kids get, they’re texting someone. On a given night, one of the guys says he probably sends about 200 texts. 200 texts! I probably send 200 texts in a week, on a busy week. And, I probably text more than most people, since I don’t like to talk.
 
What’s worse is that these kids have it down to a science. They’ve pinpointed not only the security camera locations, but where those cameras are pointed, and where they need to stand to avoid being seen by the cameras. They even know where each specific wireless provider will get the best signal out of a camera’s line of sight. That’s crazy.

The more they text while on the clock without getting caught, the more brazen they become. Some have texted in front of customers, which I imagine will get you fired. Some have texted in the movie theaters while the movie is running… These are employees on the clock, in uniform, checking a theater! What could be so important that they would risk their job for it?

I decided to ask a couple of my coworkers. One said:

This freshman just texted me and told me that she heard that I like her.

WHAT?!?!?! How dumb is that?
 
Another said:

I was just checking to see what my boy was doing now because I’m bored.

I swear…

All of the answers I received were in this vein. The texts weren’t anything important. They were just pointless nonsense to pass the time. Yet, a lot of these kids actually have work they could be doing, but they choose to stand around and text.

One employee was in a car accident last week. What happened? Well, she said:

I was driving to work and I was texting, and I went to pick up my Starbucks to take a drink and I rear-ended some guy.

What the hell is wrong with these people?!?!?! Texting and driving and drinking Starbucks. How many hands do we have? Two. She’s one short, you do the math.

Gin Rummy said it best:

Why would anyone in their right mind spend 15 minutes trying to type some s#!t they could’ve called and said in 5 seconds? Plus, it involves typing with your thumbs, which I just don’t approve of. … Fun fact: Nothing typed by someone’s thumbs has ever been important.

If you want to know where that quote came from, check out the clip on YouTube. (Clip contains potentially offensive language. You’ve been warned!)

See you get the idea: anything you want, you can find out online.  For example, wondering why Kim Kardashian and Lauren Conrad are famous? Check out Wikipedia.

Anyway, with all of this great information essentially a click of a button away, I shouldn’t have reason to complain, should I? Well, of course I do. I always have a reason to complain.

While I do enjoy being able to find out every minutiae of Seinfeld, I don’t like it when search engines attempt to guess what I am searching for. I know Google, Yahoo, and now Bing all have this option. Basically, it takes your keystrokes and sends them to a server, which then suggests popular terms based on what you entered.
 
This function was created to save searchers time. As a matter of fact, Google says it was created so you can “rest your fingers.” I mean, according to Google, why type, “great wall of china” when you can type “great w.” Ironically, enough, typing “great w” gives you “great wolf lodge” first, then “great wall of China,” but whatever.

It’s also supposed to help you catch mistakes. We’ve all gotten the “Did you mean…” prompt from Google. Sigh.

Anyway, the problem is that when Google tries to guess what I am looking for, it doesn’t actually get it right until I type in the last word. Or it assumes that if I am searching for something free, I must want porn! Stop trying to guess, Google. You never get it right.

For example, let’s say that, hypothetically, I’m being hounded at work by an angry, aggressive, and righteous vegetarian. He or she questions my health and morals on a daily basis, but because I have no witty retorts, I’m made to look the fool. I decide one day that I will not take it anymore. So, I consult Google. My goal is to search, “how to argue against a vegetarian.”

While I’m typing the word “how,” Google displays a window with a list of what it thinks I am searching for. After typing “h” and “o,” the window shows Hotmail. I’m not looking for Hotmail. Nor am I looking for Home Depot, Hollister, horoscope, hobby lobby, Honda or house.
 
When I add the “w,” the list updates: “how to tie a tie.” Really? Are so many people really searching how to tie a tie that Google assumes that anyone who types in the word “how” is trying to figure out how to tie a tie. I had no idea that tie tying was such a highly sought-after skill, but apparently Google servers have it associated with How, which means it must be. (I might have to start Mike’s Tie Tying Service. I’ll be rich and I won’t even have to join MyEcon.) Other things on the list, in order, are “how I met your mother” (it’s a TV show for those of you who don’t know), “how to kiss” (who Googles how to kiss? Teenagers?), “how to get pregnant” (WTF!), “how stuff works,” “how to,” “Howard University,” “how to lose weight,” “Howard Hannah” (Who?), and “how to make a website.”

When I add in the “to” it keeps everything from the list above that has “how to” in it, but it also adds “how to write a resume,” “how to draw,” “how to solve a Rubix Cube” (Easy: peel off the stickers and reapply them so that each side is one color and you’re done!), “how to write a cover letter,” and “how to get a passport.”
 
Adding the word “argue” makes it interesting. Topping this list: “how to argue and win every time.” That’s so easy that people shouldn’t need to search for it. Here’s how to win every argument: disregard facts and logic, and don’t listen to those arguing with you. Eventually, people will get so tired of your stubborn and irrational behavior that they’ll give up. You win! That’s how I do it! Anyway, back to the list: “how to argue effectively (see my previous statements), and how to argue with liberals, spouses, conservatives, Christians, atheists, and Republicans. Also, “how to argue like Jesus” (Apparently it’s a book).
 
If I add “against,” I get how to argue against Christianity, evolution, Creationism, Intelligent Design, a Conservative, Christians, global warming, atheists, and creationists. But, still no vegetarians.
 
Only when I enter “vegetarians,” do I get the search results I wanted. It makes the whole thing seem pointless. Why even create such a function if it doesn’t help the bulk of people? Or, maybe there are just millions of people who don’t know how to tie a tie. If you don’t check it out:

The fortunate thing is that you can turn this annoying feature by changing your preferences. Of course, once you delete the cookies on your computer, guess what, it’ll be back. At least typing “how to delete” gives “how to delete cookies” as the first option.

But, what bothered me about this particular commercial was not the fact that it was for a classic rock station. No. I was more annoyed by the fact that this particular station – I want to say it was 104.3 but I really can’t remember – thought that it was clever by trying to reach a younger demographic using the popularity of Guitar Hero.

Now, my memory is a little fuzzy, but the commercial went something like this:

Female announcer: Do you remember this [clip of some classic rock song] or this [clip of another classic rock song] or what about this [classic rock song clip #3]? Well, Guitar Hero has made them popular again.

Then announcer went on to say how this classic rock station has been playing them all along, and urged listeners to tune in so they could hear the hits from the game – in essence, they could feel like they’re playing the game when they’re not playing the game.

She also delivered this line at the end of the commercial:

We were red, green, blue, and yellow before they (she meant Guitar Hero) were.

What the [expletive deleted to keep this blog PG]!!!!! Has our society gotten so bad that we need to relate everything to video games to reach young people? I mean, it’s bad enough that little Timmy plays video games so much that he’s turned into a fat vidiot that has no social skills, but can beat Call of Duty 4 Modern Warfare in 36 minutes and 56 seconds.

It’s gotten so bad that instead of Timmy’s parents kicking his fat ass outside to play, they buy him a Wii so he can get exercise WHILE playing video games. Fat Timmy needs a video game to get exercise!!!!

And now, in essence, Classic 104.3 – or whatever radio station it was – wants fat Timmy to listen to their station so he can feel like he’s playing Guitar Hero without actually playing it? Am I the only one who thinks there’s something wrong here?

Don’t get me wrong, now. It’s not Classic 104.3’s fault; they’re just trying to capitalize on a craze. But, come on. Does everything need to be related to video games or some other form of technology to reach fat Timmy?

Apparently, older mediums like TV and funny pages are resorting to mentioning Twitter all the time. Classic 104.3 is telling kids, “Hey, we play music from Guitar Hero, listen to us.”
 
It’s like the Army recruiting video from Family Guy.

The U.S. Army. Awwww Yeah!

I guess that if a medium (or company) doesn’t appear to know about what’s trendy and popular, then it won’t attract a younger audience and will not be able to sustain itself in the future. So, I really can’t blame them for doing it. But, it certainly annoys me that they have to.

USA Today was boasting a little while ago about how they completely reported a story using Twitter. They should not be proud. Someday, local TV stations are going to stop having broadcasts, instead just posting to YouTube.
 
When I conducted my last job search, I found several jobs that mentioned social networking as one of the tasks. One job was even for a “social medial specialist.” This person would be hired to essentially maintain a company’s blog, Facebook page, and Twitter and YouTube accounts. Are you freakin’ serious?

A company is going to pay someone to waste time on the internet? Well, I guess millions of companies do it every day, since you’re probably wasting company time reading this entry. But most of us don’t spend the entire workday on the internet.

I guess these are all signs of the times we’re living in and all you can do is shake your head, and as far as I know, there isn’t an iPhone app for that. (See I can drop my trendiness in this blog too.)

I don’t have anything against the Gosselins personally. I don’t know them personally or anything about them. But as far as the show goes, I am annoyed by them because I don’t like people who get reality TV shows for doing absolutely nothing. Sure, having sextuplets may be a noteworthy story… perhaps a spot on the Today show or Good Morning America. But a TV series? Hell to the neezy. Even more annoying is the fact that the Gosselins’ sextuplet birth was not an act of God. It was the result of fertility treatments.
 
Now, I have no problem with people taking fertility treatments. But, if you have sextuplets as a result, you should not be allowed to get a reality TV series based on that alone. It’s undeserving. Having sextuplets when you’re loaded up with fertility drugs is like breaking the homerun record when you’re juiced up on steroids…it’s a tainted accomplishment. And, if Barry Bonds can’t get into the hall of fame, then the Gosselins should not have a TV show. It’s not like they were interesting people or they had anything that would make me want to watch them before the show. They simply had some kids and shopped around a show, and suddenly Discovery Health and TLC were all over them.

From the TLC website:

With sextuplets and a pair of twins, the Gosselins are hardly your typical American family. Jon and Kate are the ambitious parents of this adorable bunch and they are battling all odds to make sure their brood has a normal, happy childhood. We follow them as they tackle seemingly ordinary life events like pumpkin picking and birthday parties that become extraordinary when you have two sets of energetic multiples.

What in the blue, holy hell? The Gosselins are “battling all odds”? What odds? Would that be the countless free products they receive as a result of product placement on the show, or would it be the free or deeply discounted vacations they get as a result of the show? Perhaps it’s figuring out how to spend the $50,000 to $75,000 they get per episode. Battling odds is a single parent with five kids struggling to make ends meet, not trying to find a housekeeper that meets your standards, or hiring a nanny.

Sure, having sextuplets is demanding. It can get crazy caring for two kids, let alone eight. Maybe I would have more sympathy if they were really struggling. But they’re not. Now, I have never seen the show, but I’m fairly certain that there was never a “where will the Gosselins next meal come from?” episode. Nor was there a “the Gosselins don’t have heat this week because they couldn’t afford to pay the bill” episode. Heck, the divorce may be realest thing this family’s ever faced. And that just might be why I dislike them so much.

I, for one, am sick and tired of everyone clamoring to be the first to tweet from some insane location, like space, or during kidney surgery. I’m sick and tired of hearing the words Twitter and tweeting. I’m sick of it, and I use it… that’s how bad it’s gotten.

Over the last two weeks, I’ve heard way too many references to Twitter. It’s trendy to mention them in whatever medium you’re working in, and it proves that you’re in touch with popular culture, I guess.

On an episode of Desperate Housewives, Tom Scavo said that he was asked about Twitter in an interview. How cool that the show is up on current trends! Blech… I just threw up a little. I read the comics section of the Washington Post a few weeks ago and Doonesbury — which I hate with a passion – had an entire strip devoted to tweeting. It’s like they’re saying, “We know young people think comic strips are an ancient medium, but look, we’re in touch with you guyz.” That’s right, guyz with a “z,” because that’s how cool and fresh they are!

To all of them, I say, shut the hell up. Stop throwing trendy buzz words into whatever you’re producing/writing/reporting/etc. to make you seem more in touch with society and young people than you really are.
 
Like I said, I use Twitter. I like using it. But, I’m not dumb enough to think that people actually care that I just ate some yogurt, or that later today I have to go to my part time job at a movie theater. But, USA Today touts their tweet-reporting a story like they just landed on the moon. What is that?!?!?!

Twitter is mostly used for pointless things, and I don’t have a problem with that. But, let’s not make it out to be some great communication tool that is the future of reporting. It’s not. It’s just a way for people to let other people know about the pointless nonsense going on in their lives.

I was excited when NASCAR 98 first came to the Sony PlayStation. At the time, I thought it was pretty awesome, though compared to NASCAR PC games it sucked – after all on the PC you could customize your car and the game was more complex. Still, the PS version was a fun alternative to the PC game and was much quicker to setup and play. As time went on, the games on home consoles improved, as did the complexity of the game.

When I bought a PS2, I got NASCAR Thunder 2004, which, as far as I can remember, was the first NASCAR game to have the Grudges and Alliances feature. This feature would allow drivers to remember incidents with other drivers and react accordingly. For example, if another driver had a negative rating against you, they would try to wreck you. Conversely, drivers with a positive rating would help you.

I then upgraded, or so I thought, to NASCAR 06. This version featured Total Team Control, which meant that you could control the cars of your teammates, and you could give your teammates orders. The problem was that for some reason, EA Sports slowed down the gameplay.

In the 2004 version, the cars felt much faster. In 06, they felt like they were moving in slow motion. While the other aspects of the game were pretty cool, the slowness was just unacceptable. Also, 06 allowed for more driver help, which made the career mode much easier. In 2004, you couldn’t use “brake assist” in career mode, but in 06 you could.

Not that you care, but playing 2004, I won the Daytona 500 in career mode in my first ever start. I was in an unsponsored car that was 20 mph slower than everyone else, and I used a two-tire stop to gain the lead, and blocked like hell to the finish. I believe, if memory serves me correctly, that I ran out of gas a few yards from the finish line, but I still won. I know this makes me a loser, but that victory felt as real as any driver’s first victory. I almost sprayed a Coke all over my living room in celebration.

Adding in too much driver help cheapens that experience, and makes the game too easy for people with little to no skill. Thus, it’s not as rewarding to win a race in the 06 version. That pretty much killed it for me, which is why I bought 07.

I rarely, if ever, buy back-to-back iterations of any game, but felt like I had to give EA another chance. I mean, right on the box it said that the game had been sped up. I was duped. Speeding up the gameplay didn’t actually mean speeding up gameplay. Instead, it meant blurring the background for a greater sense of speed. The blurred background did not increase the sense of speed. It did, however, increase the sense of sucky-ness.

I was bitter so I skipped the 08 version, and would have done the same for 09 had I not received a BestBuy gift card for Christmas from my girlfriend. I decided to purchase it, as it wouldn’t cost me anything, really. I was, again, disappointed. The gameplay was slow, and the racing wasn’t much fun. It was actually quite boring.

So, I decided that I would go back to playing 04. But, apparently leaving your PS2 in a closet for a few months causes the controllers to stop working. So, I thought I would buy 04 for Xbox and play it on my 360.

I looked everywhere for that game, GameStop, PlayNTrade, and eBay. I found one on eBay for $10. I ordered it, and received it two days later. I was amped up to play it when I got home from work. But, when I turned it on, I got an error message saying that the 360 does not recognize this game – apparently it is not compatible.

What the %&*& is that ^&*$? I guess I should have checked, but I just assumed that all Xbox games would be compatible with 360. They’re not. Oh well, I guess it’s back to PS2 for me until NASCAR makes another version to disappoint me, since they aren’t making one in 2010 due to slumping sales and the economy, or until I build a gaming PC and buy NASCAR 2003, arguably the best NASCAR racing simulator (game) ever made. It’s the one Dale Jr. plays.