For some reason that I can’t explain, I love the Buick Regal, which was on the list of cars to drive. I saw the car on an episode of Top Gear (UK version), and liked the design. Nadia saw that they had SUVs, so she was in.

At the event, we were asked about our car buying habits and the cars for which we would like more information. I chose the Regal.

As a part of the effort to attract younger people to the brand, Buick launched a Discovery Tour, which introduces people to their cars in a relaxed, fun environment.

Because I signed up for more information on the Regal, I received an invite to the tour’s Food and Wine Pairing event hosted by Buick, Ming Tsai, and Food and Wine Magazine. I’ve been a fan of Ming Tsai for a while, so I really wanted to go.

When I asked Nadia if she wanted to go, her reply was, “Who is Ming Tsai?” After a quick (possibly overly animated) explanation, Nadia was on board. Honestly, all I had to say was “free” and “wine” and Nadia was there.

We arrived at the Westin in Annapolis and signed in. Like the Main St. event, they asked us our car buying habits and when we were likely to buy our next car. Because I didn’t see an option for “Today” (and Nadia was standing right there which inspires me to use common sense) I chose “More than a year.”

We also chose the cars we wanted to drive. I chose the Regal Turbo. Nadia chose the Enclave. We were then directed to the hors d’oeuvres table while we waited for the event to start.

A little while later, a well-spoken man from Buick began the event. We were broken into groups and ushered to various modules where we learned about food, wine, and Buicks. The guy from Buick also told us about the chefs and wine expert we would meet during the event.

Cathal Armstrong – Restaurant Eve

As a part of group C, we were taken to meet Cathal (silent T) Armstrong, chef and owner of Restaurant Eve in Alexandria, Va. He was one of F&W’s Best Chefs of 2006 and, if memory serves me correctly, he was one of F&W’s top 50 Best Chefs of all time – don’t quote me on that.

He was from Dublin, Ireland and had an awesome accent that I associate with movie villains. Anyway, he told us about his journey to cooking and opening a restaurant in 2004. He called his story the “quintessential American dream.”

He entered the country illegally and worked as a dishwasher. One night, a cook called out and he filled in. The rest is history. He applied for the visa lottery and landed one, and gained citizenship.

It’s hard to believe that someone who came to this country illegally and worked a dishwasher would one day cook for Julie Child (twice—once unannounced), President George W. Bush, and President Barack Obama and his wife Michelle. But, he did. “Not quite Steve Jobs,” he said, “but not bad for a [college] dropout dishwasher.”

Someone asked who paid for the President’s dinner. He said that President Obama paid with his own credit card. Then he jokingly said, “You guys paid.” He also said that the Obamas are a very cute couple.

He told us how little profit there is involved in restaurant ownership. I believe he said 1% profit when times are good.

Everything in his restaurant is “Made in the USA.” Because he is living the “American Dream,” he takes pride in using products from America. “It even says it on our menu,” he said. He’s also a big fan of using natural, fresh ingredients.

He informed us that the average age of an egg in the grocery store is nine months, which is why he prefers to buy fresh. While this won’t stop me from buying them, it is kind of gross.

He showed us how to make a sashimi of snapper with pumpkin spice vinaigrette, butternut squash and pecan relish and micro cilantro, which tasted excellent.  Part of this recipe involved making an emulsion, which if you’ve never made, is pretty neat. You add all the ingredients except the oil to a blender. Then you add the oil in a thin stream until the blender makes a different sound. There’s some scientific explanation, but I don’t remember it.

Cathal was down-to-earth and was very funny. Nadia and I will definitely visit Restaurant Eve sometime. He also has another restaurant in Alexandria called Eamonn’s. Both restaurants are named after his kids.

Buick Test Drive

Next, we headed outside to the Buick presentation. We listened to a five minute spiel about features found on the new Buick line. Joe from Buick was a straight-up car salesman. He was a silver-haired, fast-talking fox. He may not have been able to sell ice to an Eskimo, but he seemed like he would damn-sure try. He told us about articulating headlights, satellite navigation, cargo space and engines with eAssist Technology.

I won’t bore you with the details, even though Joe bored us with them. After that, we were given the option to test drive the cars. Nadia drove the Enclave, which she seemed to like. It was roomy in the backseat, and had a comfy ride.

I tracked down a Buick Regal Turbo. Unfortunately, the 2012 Regal GS they had was not for test driving. So, I had to settle for the Turbo. The “promotions” person in the car with us urged me to open it up on the long straightaway. I wanted to, but since we were on a public road, I opted to give it some gas until it reached 50.

Nadia commented that the ride was bumpy in the back. I told her I had it in “Sport” mode, which is why it was so rough. She is not a fan of sport mode.

Ben Roche – Moto Restaurant

The next module was with Ben Roche, executive pastry chef of Moto Restaurant in Chicago. We arrived a little late because of my test drive, so he was just starting to tell us about what he was planning on making when we walked in.

On the menu: S’mores bombs and bacon-sage ice cream. Yes, bacon-sage ice cream. Ben told us that any flavor could be infused in ice cream. He wanted to make us turkey ice cream, but the event people told him he couldn’t have a turkey. So, bacon-sage it was.

He chose to use liquid nitrogen to make the ice cream, partly because it was faster, partly because he “really, really, really likes using liquid nitrogen.”

Take a simple ice cream recipe and add liquid nitrogen and keep stirring until you get the consistency you want. He kept adding the liquid nitrogen and commenting how cool the vapor looked. He was way too excited by the nitrogen, which he later admitted.

He also taught us how to coat liquid things in chocolate. Freeze them, and then dip them in melted chocolate, then put them in the fridge. The fridge will harden the chocolate and thaw the frozen filling. Simple concept, but not something I would think of on my own.

Since he had nitrogen, though, he would solidify the chocolate quickly. “Any excuse to use nitrogen,” he said.

We then had the bomb and ice cream. While I wasn’t a fan of the ice cream, it certainly was interesting. We will probably try his restaurant when we are in Chicago around Christmas time. But I doubt we’ll order bacon ice cream.

Michael Green

Next, we headed to the main room, where we met Michael Green, a wine expert. In about 20 minutes, he took us through 20 years of wine education. He spoke about the different factors that affect the taste of wines. Price, however, does not affect the taste, he told us. “If a wine is good to you,” he said, “then it’s good.”

For wine tasting, he showed us how to hold the glass. He said to think of sexual harassment training: no fondling, no caressing, and no cupping. Hold it by the stem.

He also taught us the six S’s: See, Swirl, Smell, Sip, Swish, Spit. If he never spit, he would be on the floor by 8 a.m.. For the Buick event, “spit” was replaced by “swallow and enjoy.”

So, we were given a Sauvignon Blanc from Rodney Strong to try. To see it, tilt the glass and hold it in front a white surface. This particular wine looked like “cat piss.” (His words, not mine.) Then we swirled the glass for a few seconds to introduce air into the wine. I’m not sure why, as I was still chuckling about cat piss. We then smelled the wine. To smell it, you have to put your whole nose in the glass. You’ll feel ridiculous, but you’ll like a wine connoisseur. Trust me.

Next, you sip the wine. Don’t take a big ol’ swig… you’ll look like an amateur if you do. Swish it around in your mouth to experience the flavor. Then spit it.

Now, you’re a wine tasting pro, like him (and now, me.)

We tried the Sauvignon Blanc, which was dry (read: bitter). One woman really didn’t like it because it was so bitter. So, he told us about how different food pairings affect how we perceive wine flavors. We were instructed to eat a slice of lemon, and then drink the wine.

Suddenly, the dry wine was sweet. It was very interesting. We also tried a Côtes-Du-Rhône Belleruche Rouge with and without an Italian cheese. If I remember correctly, the cheese minimized the flavor of the tannins. Tannins are compounds found in grape seeds and skins. They are what give it the bitter flavor. They are also found in coffee.

He reminded us, once again, that if a wine is good to us, then it is good. Don’t worry about the price or the label.

Ming Tsai – Blue Ginger

Once Michael was done, it was time for the main event. Ming was introduced by the well-spoken man from Buick. He was taller and bulkier than I envisioned him. He looks like he works out.

He was going to prepare two dishes for us: chicken and tri-bell pepper chow mein and sweet and sour mango pork. He started cooking the chicken in a large wok, and told us about the path he took to cooking.

He was raised by traditional Chinese parents who wanted him to be a doctor, lawyer, or engineer. So, he went to Yale (that’s right, Yale!) to be a mechanical engineer.

When he was about 10 years old, some relatives came to visit and he offered to cook for them, despite not knowing how to cook. He thought seeing his parents make fried rice gave him enough knowledge to make it himself. He was not successful, though he said his relatives were polite about it. He later cooked at his parent’s restaurant.

While at Yale, he went to Le Cordon Bleu cooking school in Paris during the summer of his junior year. After graduating, he told his parents he wanted to be a chef. He thought they would say no, but they were supportive. He joked that his dad said that he should be a chef because he would make a lousy engineer.

In 1998, Ming opened the Blue Ginger restaurant in Wellesley, MA. Since then, he’s gone on to host three cooking shows, publish several cookbooks, and develop several products. He’s also the spokesperson for the Food Allergy and Anaphylaxis Network, which focuses on education and research on food allergies.

Once the chicken was done, he put it aside and worked on the veggies. Ming is a proponent of one-pot cooking, because of its simplicity. So, he used the wok again. He pointed out that his tongs were used for raw chicken and to make sure that when you cook with a utensil that touches raw chicken, you use a new, clean one or wash it thoroughly.

He also showed us how to juice limes using a pair of tongs. First, you have to roll them to soften them up, Ming said. “Don’t microwave them like another cooking show host says,” he said. “Sure it will soften them up. But, it will also start to cook them, which defeats the purpose of using fresh lime juice. I won’t mention her by name, though.”

He then placed the cut lime halves near the focal point of the tongs, and squeezed them together, which extracted a lot of juice from the lime. “See, you don’t need to buy a specific tool made by another cooking show host that I won’t mention by name,” he said laughing. “She was in jail, though.”  Everyone laughed.

He also joked that when she got out of jail, she got a book deal and has been on TV. “When I got out, I got nothing,” he laughed. (He hasn’t been to jail, if you didn’t know.)

The chow mein was finished, so he plated it and tasted it. We were then served. It was great!

He then made sweet and sour pork while telling us more about his restaurant and growing up.

Once the pork was done, he plated it and tasted it. He then pointed out that even an experienced chef can make mistakes, noting that he forgot to add the sour. He quickly corrected himself; saying that a cooking trick is to plate the dish and let it sit on the plate so it can absorb the flavor, then put it back in the pot to add the sour. Everyone laughed again.

He then told us of a time that he was cooking on live TV. It was right before a commercial break, and he was going to add fresh vegetables to a hot wok. Unfortunately, someone forgot to turn the wok on. So, he threw the veggies in as he noticed the wok was cold. But, much like a true performer, he pretended that the wok was on, making a sizzling sound with his mouth. The show went to break and no one was the wiser.

Once the sour was added to the pork, he re-plated it and tasted it. He then recapped for us: cook in the pot; take it out of the pot and plate it; then back into the pot; add the sour; then re-plate.

There were only seven portions of the pork dish, so we were asked questions about the event and those who answered correctly received pork.

When all the portions were finished, the well-spoken man said that there was a gift for all of us in attendance. He then took out a Buick key and held it up. He said we would all receive a “brand new, shiny…cook book signed by Ming! What? This key is for the valet. Did you think you were getting a new car?” The audience erupted in applause and laughter.

The well-spoken man wrapped up the event with his rendition of Sinatra’s “Fly Me to the Moon.” He was actually pretty good. He concluded by saying that the next time we’re in the market for a new car, “Just give [Buick] a look!”

Nadia and I both had a lot of fun and we enjoyed the food. It was a great event, and well worth the five minutes of the Buick sales spiel. And even though I missed the Cowboys game, which they lost, I still had a great evening.

A random Groupon that coincided with my birthday led to one of the most fun experiences I’ve ever had in my life. It started when I received a Groupon for a Formula Driving Experience at Summit Point Motorsports Park in West Virginia.

I was familiar with the track because it was one of the places I considered going for my bachelor party – to race go karts. I shouldn’t really call SPMP a track; it’s a road racing and driver training complex. It has four tracks – three for car racing/driver training and a fourth for go karts.

It was about an hour drive, and the Groupon was 55% off, so I told Nadia I was thinking about buying it. She offered to get it for me for my birthday, and it was on!

There was some initial confusion with my registration and confirmation due to employee vacations and lost emails, so I called the racing school. They did not receive my registration, but they took care of it over the phone. Unfortunately, when I called they only had 8 a.m. and 3 p.m. available on Saturday. I opted for 8 a.m. so we could do other things that day. I also asked about size restrictions and I was well under the thresholds.

Later that night I received my confirmation package. It contained directions, an insurance explanation, a car selection/contact form, and track rules and instructions.

I read the packet about four times… not because I didn’t understand; it was because every time I did, I would get super amped about racing around the track.

There were even instructions for Nadia. Those basically said that if “your driver” seemed to be getting passed by everyone out there, don’t worry, they’re still having a good time. They also said to move if the track officials tell you to and to follow directions.

The instructions for me focused largely on telling me to stay hydrated and to wear light clothes due to the driver suit. Dress for the weather.

The Friday before my Experience, I hydrated religiously because I wanted to make sure that I could be at my best for my laps on the track.

This desire also led me to scour YouTube for every video of laps around the Jefferson Circuit at SPMP that I could find. The problem was that the track is configured to run in both directions and before the drivers’ meeting; I didn’t know what direction we would run.

So, naturally, I watched videos in both directions. I was looking for braking points, turn-in points, apexes, and exit points. After about the 15th time, I was starting to get the hang of it. I actually found myself moving my feet as if I was shifting while watching the videos. I was determined to post respectable speeds.

That night, I got everything ready for the trip up to SPMP – we had to leave by 6:30 a.m. to get there 20 minutes early, as the packet instructed. I was ready, and was pumped. It was hard to sleep Friday night. It was like trying to go to bed on Christmas Eve as a kid.

I had no trouble getting up and probably annoyed Nadia a little because I really wanted to leave. (Nadia was making coffee… wasting precious seconds. LOL!)

We got on the road a little before 6:30 a.m. I was nervous and excited at the same time, and had to remind myself not to speed on the way there.

A little over an hour later, we were driving up to the gate. I told the lady there that I was doing the Formula Racing Experience. She handed me a clipboard. It was a standard release. You know, “By doing this you could die and if you do, the track is not liable. You also waive your right to sue if you get hurt…” I faked like I was reading it – mostly for Nadia’s benefit – and signed it.

Nadia needed to sign it too. She gave it a quick scan and signed too. We proceeded up the twisting road and followed the signs to the Jefferson Circuit. My blood was pumping now…

We parked and went inside the building next to the track and I checked in. When you check in, they up-sell like crazy. “Do you want to purchase extra laps, photos, DVDs, a Formula Car?” (Well, no… they didn’t really ask about that last one.)

The most important thing they try to sell you is insurance. You pay $70 for insurance coverage with a $2,000 deductible. If you decline, you’re liable up to $15,000. This was no surprise, as it was in the packet I received.

I mulled it over and opted not to purchase the insurance – I’d be super careful and plus, racing is just in my blood. I don’t spin. Right?

Then, Nadia went to take some pictures of the cars and the driving class began. The instructor’s name was Mark Ebert. He’s also the owner of Drivetech “because no one else wants to be,” he said.

He instructed us to pick out driving suits. They run small, so pick up a size larger than you wear normally, he said. After we made our way to the back table and got suits, we all just kind of stood there, looking at them.

Only one guy started putting his on. The rest of us watched him but still were figuring out the best way to put them on without looking like idiots. Mark told us sitting down and taking our shoes off would be the easiest way. Mine was pretty baggy.

Minutes later, we were suited up and ready to go. Mark asked if we had ever been on this track or ever drove Formula cars before. No one had. So, he explained the cars to us. They were “perfectly balanced,” which means if you shift incorrectly or brake incorrectly, you WILL spin. About now is when I thought, “Perhaps I should have bought the insurance.”

He explained that you always want to “drive beyond the nose of your car.” That means, look where you want to go, not where you are. This is auto racing 101 – having done auto cross clinics and performance driving events, I knew that much.

He then told us the ideal gear for each part of the circuit. Coming off pit road and heading into turn one (a hard right) you want to be in fourth gear, drop down to third and rev match. If you don’t rev match, he said, you’ll lock up the wheels and SPIN.

Now, I am familiar with rev matching, but have never done it. Without going into all the boring details, it just means that you have to rev the engine while downshifting to ensure the fastest acceleration off of the corner. But the way Mark explained it was uber confusing.

Looking at our confused faces, he was like, “Once you get on the track it’ll make sense and you’ll get it.” Much like (I suspect) everyone else, I was nodding like, “Yeah, I got this,” when I was thinking, “God, please keep me safe and from spinning off of the track and into the trees lining Turn 1.” (By the way, who puts TREES in a corner on a race track with no barrier or tires or something?!?!?!?)

Anyway, he continued walking us through the track map, pointing out turn-in points and apexes. Then, when he got to Turn 5, he told us there would be a double apex. A double apex? None of the videos I watched had the double apex. It’s simple; the first apex is when you want to be the closest to the inside of the turn. The second apex is when you want to move to the outside of the turn to ensure you have the best line heading into the second corner. (Basically, it’s telling you to diamond the corner – NASCAR-watching is paying off.)

The final turn (really Turns 8 and 9) was treacherous, he said. You’ll be coming off the backstretch at full throttle; you’ll go through turn 7 wide open (if you have the guts) and then get hard on the brakes into 8. Eight and 9 combine to make “almost a hairpin,” and Mark said someone would get in too hot (fast) and spin right into the tires. “I just know it,” he said. “Oh why didn’t I buy the insurance,” I thought.

After the talk-through, he gave us instructions on passing. Passing is only allowed on straight-aways. They will instruct you to move inside and lift off and let the other car by. Or, you can point them by, if for some reason your radio is broken. Don’t point them by in a corner.

Also, don’t dart back to the outside if you get passed, as there could be a second car coming. The cars have mirrors, Mark said, but they’ll be vibrating so bad you’ll only be able to make out colors.

Then, he made us put our hands in front of our faces. We extended one hand out and looked at it while keeping the other hand right in front of our faces. He noted that we could still see both hands. So, again, look where you want to go, not where you don’t. If someone spins in front of you, if you watch them, you’ll be pulled to them like a magnet, he said.

If you spin and are facing oncoming traffic, don’t move. He said wait until they give you the “all clear” to move. He implied that if it happened, you should use the time to calm down after you’re done relieving yourself. He said they throw the driver suits away if that happens.

After all of that, he said as soon as we get behind the wheel, we’ll forget everything he told us. We’d start to think, “I’m a bad man! I got this. I was made for this. I was born to race cars.” So, he said, the most important thing is to remember to be smooth and follow directions.

Now it was time for a couple of laps with Mark to see the circuit. He told us we would be in a rental car. He also mentioned that this is exactly why you don’t buy rentals because you never know what they’re used for.

I’ve got to admit, I thought we would cruise around the track with him telling us braking points, turn-in points, etc. Instead, he whipped us around the track like we were driving a Formula car. (Note: Mitsubishis do not handle or ride like Formula cars.)

The tires sang and we leaned A LOT. I was in the back so it was hard to hear over the tires and engine. I managed to make out some of what he said, though. I was ready.

After the rides were over, it was time to climb into the cars. I was the tallest person there, but there was another guy there who was bigger than me. He was broader/wider than me. We would have to share one of their larger-cockpit cars. That was fine because I was still going to get my full, seat time.

The guy climbed in the car but couldn’t get completely in. It was “tight around his shoulders,” Mark said. He said since I was taller (he may have been being nice) he would put both of us in race-prepared Porsche Boxters.

I am pretty certain I could’ve gotten in the Formula car, but I didn’t say anything. Looking back, I should have. But, I didn’t. Part of me knew that I wouldn’t have gone as fast in the Formula car because I would’ve been worried about wrecking without insurance. Still, I should have at least tried.

Mark told me to hop in the Porsche because the big guys were going out first. My Boxter had Tiptronic, which is an automatic that allows the driver override the auto gear changes using a “+” to shift up and “-“ to shift down. I was slightly disappointed not being in a Formula car, but a Porsche would have to do.

I got in and Mark mentioned that all production cars have understeer so I should be prepared for that in the corners.

I got in, posed for some pictures and waited while the track spotters got into position. While I was waiting, it happened. I thought to myself, “I’m a bad man! I got this. I was made for this. I was born to race cars.”

Mark, driving a pace car, led us onto the track. We would do a couple of laps behind him and then he would wave us by and we could go as fast as we wanted. As we slowly approached each turn, I would look for a visual marker so I knew where to brake, just like a real race car driver would.

There was a little access road right before Turn 1, which seemed like the perfect marker. Turn 1, in my opinion, was more treacherous than the hairpin Mark thought would result in a crash, so I really wanted to be sure I hit it right.

The first lap, I was right on Mark’s tail. I was braking a split second after him, and I felt really comfortable. I felt like my heart was going to beat out of my chest because I was so amped.

The other guy was a few car lengths back, but he was keeping up as well. We both stayed in the racing line and all was good.

Lap 2, Mark sped up a little (we were doing 45 mph) and I still kept up. The car felt good. The Tiptronic was sluggish on the changes, but it was more fun than driving an automatic. (The other guy got the stick-shift.) I looked in my rearview and the other guy was about 15 car lengths back.

Lap 3, Mark got up to about 60 mph. I kept right with him up until Turn 5; I didn’t quite make the second apex so he got off the corner much faster than I did. I chased him down the backstretch and was gaining on him when we hit Turn 7.

It was a high-speed corner and we were supposed to brake after it, right before Turn 8. But, I didn’t have the guts on lap 3, so I lifted. That’s when he pulled away. I caught him coming out of the hairpin and we headed into Turn 1. Again, I stayed with him till I missed the second apex in Turn 5.

Coming off of Turn 5, he ducked inside and waved me by on the outside. It was on! I took off. Turn 6 was my first full-speed approach to a corner. Up to this point, there was always a car in front of me, so there was a reference point of when to brake.

This time, no car, no reference point. Plus, there was a hill so you couldn’t actually see Turn 6, when you were coming down the straight-away from Turn 5. So, I lifted a bit, got hard on the brakes and turned as hard as I could when I saw the turn-in cone.

The tires squealed a bit, but it stuck. I got off the corner really well and got hard on the gas. When there is someone in front of you, it’s easier to know when to brake and to anticipate the corners. When it’s just you, the straight-aways seem to get shorter and the hills get taller, if that makes any sense.

Jefferson Circuit is 1.12 mile track. The straight-aways look long on a map, but are short in real life. And Turns 1, 6, and 8 sneak up on you. It’s a lot shorter than you think.

One second, you’re flying down what looks like a long straight-away, the next you’re barreling down on a corner. In this case, it was accident corner, which also had two apexes.

I did remember Mark’s simple command and I got hard on the brakes, down-shifted, and threw it into the corner. I really felt the understeer Mark was talking about.

When I tried to move outside to hit the second apex, the front tires squealed and I slid up the track. My diamond was not that good for this corner and it really screwed up my exit speed.

The good thing was that I didn’t carry too much speed into Turn 1, so I didn’t need to worry about losing it. Having done driving events before, Turns 2-4 were easy. But, I was on lap 5, and I still had yet to hit the second apex of Turn 5. So, I went for it.

This time, I got closer, and really could feel how much of a difference it made coming off the corner, but I still hadn’t hit it correctly. As I approached Turn 7, I held it wide open deep into the corner, got hard on the brakes and I hit both apexes in 8 and 9. I also was getting faster: hitting about 70 mph on the front stretch.

After several laps, I began to wonder where the other dude was. He hadn’t been in my mirror since lap 3, so I didn’t know if I was faster or if we were running the same lap times. So, I started seeing if I could see him through the trees (a big no-no because of the, if you look there, you will go there lesson…)

As I was coming off of Turn 6, he was coming down the front stretch, heading into 1. I was thinking, “I can catch this dude…”

Every lap after that, I would peek and I would see him later and later. I was gaining on him!!!!!

When I began to think I could catch him, my lap times got faster. I’d like to think that my racing line improved, too. But, I’m not really sure that is the case… but for the sake of this posting, let’s assume I was hitting my marks like I was the Stig.

I was pulling every ounce out of the Boxter that I could. The “brake wear” light was on and the tires were squealing, but I was gaining on him.

On one lap, late in the run, I came off of Turn 9 and was heading down the front stretch at about 82 mph before braking for Turn 1. Much like Turn 6, there was an elevation change, which made it harder to see Turn 1 when you were far away. So, I was looking for the access road (my braking point).

As I approached the hill, I thought I would dive it into the corner, braking AFTER the access road. That meant braking a few feet before the turn-in cone (Just FYI, when cornering, any friction you use for braking cannot be used for cornering. That means if you brake, do it in a straight line and lift off the brakes before starting to turn… Thank you Forza Motorsport 2 for Xbox).

I wasn’t sure if there would be enough time to actually get the car slowed enough for the hard right turn, but I was going to try.

Just as I came over the hill and turned to look at the apex (look where you want to go, not where you are), I got on the brakes H-A-R-D; so hard that the car was on the verge of sliding.

It was at this point that I noticed something out of the corner of my eye to my left. I peeked and it was a groundhog coming on to the track.

Once I saw that groundhog, I became more aware of the understeer in the Porsche. (Understeer is when the back tires have more grip than the front and the car feels like it won’t turn, even though you are turning.)

I though I was going to slide into the groundhog and obliterate it, despite my best efforts to avoid it. I may have actually said, “Sorry, Mr. Gopher…” out loud because I thought I was going to kill him. (I thought it was a gopher, until I Googled pics.) I’m fairly certain his little groundhog life flashed before his eyes. But, down shifting on the Tiptronic pitched the car forward enough to give the tires grip enough to carry me through the turn.

The Porsches didn’t have radios, so I worried the guy behind me might hit it, but I couldn’t warn anyone. On the next lap, I was a little tentative getting into 1, but there was no groundhog or groundhog carcass, so I assume he scurried off without incident. Whew.

A few laps later, I refocused on the task at hand, catching that other dude in the Porsche. At this time, I also started to wonder when it would be over. I felt like I logged a lot of laps and I was getting smooth and fast. I also kept checking the pits for signals that it was over. I didn’t want to keep running and hold others up because I missed a signal to pit.

As I came off of Turn 6, which allows you to see all the way down to Turn 7 and 8, I saw him. He was one straight-away away. “I can catch him!” So I mashed the gas and whipped it around Turns 8 and 9.

As I came off 9, he was pulling into the pits, and I was being signaled to pit.

Blimey! If I had two more laps, I could’ve caught and passed him. But, the session was over.

We got out of the cars and chatted for a minute. He did not see the groundhog. He also mentioned that he got into the Formula car and when they put the shoulder straps on him, he got claustrophobic, which is why he got out of the car… not because he was too big, which is what I was told.

Had I known that, I would’ve definitely tried to get into the Formula car. Again, I should’ve told them I wanted to try. Oh well, lesson learned and it was still fun.

We stuck around to watch the guys run the Formula cars, mostly because I didn’t want to get in the Civic with my adrenaline pumping to the max. They ran considerably slower than I did in the Boxter. It may have been partly because the guys were first-timers and they all seemed nervous (some of them did not buy the insurance), and partly because it feels like you’re going faster than you are.

I think I told Nadia that I would’ve been passing all of them if I was out there. What can I say… machismo.

Mark told us in the class that there was a rev limiter chip in the cars and that no one cares if you hit that chip. “Make ‘em sing,” he said. No one did that, though. It was much slower and more laid back, which I liked. So, if I do it again, I will definitely choose the early bird crowd where the people are more chill and you don’t have to worry about some nut who thinks he is Michael Schumacher driving the Nürburgring.

Another benefit of the early morning crowd is you get first use of the driver’s suits. Once you’re done, you put them back, sweat and all. Now, I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t want to drive in a damp suit and helmet that has been used by other sweaty guys… but that’s just me.

All in all, this was a memorable birthday and it was loads of fun to drive the track, even if it was in a Porsche Boxter. I can’t thank my awesome wife enough for giving me this experience. I can’t wait to do it again! Check out the photos here.

On Saturday, Nadia, Nyah, and I headed to the National Zoo for a birthday party. I had never been to the National Zoo in nine years of living in the DC area. Not sure why exactly, guess I just never really had a reason to go. So, I didn’t really know what to expect.

The last zoo I’ve been to is the Turtle Back Zoo in New Jersey. Just to give you a sense of the type of zoo Turtle Back is, in the rules it says not to throw things at the animals or hang on the trees. The National Zoo is more concerned about respecting the boundaries around animals.

In other (overly simplified) words, kids in NJ terrorize the animals while kids in DC fall into the animal habitats and get attacked by animals. Maybe that’s just my interpretation. But anyway, I wasn’t sure what was allowed into the zoo. Could we bring a backpack, for example?

So, I checked out the website. Interestingly enough, the site specified that you could bring a wagon or a cooler, but said nothing of backpacks. I attempted to call but it was too early. So, I figured, if you can bring a cooler, you can bring a backpack. So, we did and we were right, you could bring a backpack.

We decided to Metro in because we heard bad things about trying to find parking at the zoo. The site said it was roughly three blocks to the zoo, about a half mile. It was a little chilly out, but the walk wasn’t too bad.

We entered the zoo at what I assumed was the main entrance because the Visitor Center was located there. We were meeting our party at the zoo, but no entrance was specified. So, Nadia called to find out where they were. They drove to the zoo, and were instructed to park in Lot E. Lot E was on the other side of the park. Of course.

After a little confusion as to whether they would come meet us, or we would go meet them, we hoofed it to them because they found some picnic tables near the Kid’s Farm – so we could eat lunch. It was a decent walk to the other side of the park, and we had to move relatively quickly because we knew they were waiting for us. Eventually, we made it.

After a lunch reminiscent of my elementary school days (even had my name on it. Sweet!), the kids made their way to a pizza play area. If you don’t know what that is, it is a big foam and, I think, vinyl/plastic pizza on the ground with moveable toppings. It also has a couple of educational stations around it that showed how each part of the pizza related to a certain animal or plant/vegetable.

 From there, we hit the Kid’s Farm, which is essentially a petting zoo. We saw fish, goats, pigs, cows, alpacas, donkeys, and bunnies. Yeah, bunnies. Weird. Since those animals were not interested in anything other than grazing, and Nyah has seen them before, they didn’t really hold her interest. So, we quickly moved on.

Next on the agenda was the Great Cats exhibit. When we arrived at the tiger habitat, there were a few people around, but not a big crowd. The tiger (I think it was Soyono based on my picture of her vs. the pic on website) was just chilling, minding her own business. As the crowd grew, she got up and made her way down to the front of the habitat, with people snapping pictures and recording her every move.

First, she went down the stairs to the doors I assume the staff use to access the cage. We couldn’t see her anymore. She hung around there for a minute or so, prompting some of the crowd to groan. A couple of kids complained of not being able to see her.

Then, she came back up and faced the crowd, as if to say, “Get your cameras ready.” Then, she took a nice long drink as onlookers snapped countless pictures. She started to walk away, but then turned and came back. This time, she turned around and slowly dipped her back foot into the water and eased herself in. From what I’ve seen of tigers, they’re usually attacking or running, so it was interesting to see one just chilling out.

After a few minutes of relaxing in the water, she got out and dried herself against some bushes. Then she went back to lying down. She was quite the show-woman.

We headed to see the lions. They were not as entertaining. One was lying down while the other two were just standing there, looking intently at the crowd. Nyah made her way over to a little glass window to see the lions. When she did, one of the females started staring at her. I said that she was thinking, “Lunch.” Nyah did not find that funny and ran away from the window.

From there, we went to the Think Tank, but we didn’t go in. The Think Tank showcases how charismatic species think, and it offers an interactive exploration, whatever that means. We looked at the orangutans and macaques, but they weren’t doing anything, so we headed to the Reptile Discover Center.

Nyah seemed to really enjoy the reptile exhibit. She liked seeing all of the lizards and snakes. She wasn’t a big fan of the alligator because she thought it was a statue, as did most everyone. The only way you could tell it was real was because it opened its eyes occasionally.

Throughout the zoo, rules and posted signs constantly remind us that the animals are on a specific diet. Well, if the lizards were any indication, they’re apparently served salads with what looked like Baco’s. Don’t worry, Baco’s are not bacon bits, they’re made of soy. But still, it’s weird to see. The lizard we saw eating the salad seemed to really enjoy its “bacon-like” experience.

Then, we went to the Great Ape House. That house was the only one with a distinct, not-so-pleasant odor. One visitor said, “The smell is going to make me throw up. I’m going outside.” The ape house was crowded and hot. But, Nyah liked seeing the gorillas and the orangutans. Mandara, one of the gorillas, was sitting in what looked like a hammock, looking at the big crowd taking pictures through the glass. Nyah waved at her.

Another gorilla, looked like Kojo based on the pictures, was sitting by a little round window eating lettuce. Nyah semi-politely made her way to the front of the window and the primate looked at her. She got a kick out of that. Shortly after that, he moved away from the window.

We then visited the Small Mammal House. Nyah seemed to enjoy this exhibit, too. We got to see some exotic squirrels and ferrets. We didn’t get to see the chinchilla, though – I think Nyah really wanted to see that.  She did, however, get up close and personal with the naked mole rats. A zoo volunteer was holding some in a little cage. He explained a little about them to her.

We saw them a little later in the exhibit, and Nyah spoke with another volunteer about them and their habitat. Why she liked them, I’ll never know. They’re ugly. But, she got a kick out of them.

It was about this time that Nyah started to get tired. We had done a lot of walking, so it was understandable. We were about halfway through the zoo, and figured we’d wrap up our visit.

We stopped to use the restroom. While Nadia and Nyah were in there, some woman with an accent left her son (I think he was around 6) outside while she took her daughter to the bathroom. I thought this was odd, as I would’ve been worried about the kid.

Anyway, while she was gone, he decided it would be a good idea to swing on the railing across from the bathroom. Well, needless to say, he fell and banged his head pretty good. But, he didn’t cry. Instead, he cleaned the mulch out of his hair, and then smoothed out the rest of the mulch to hide his head print. A few minutes later, he did it again. This time, however, he didn’t hit his head as hard.

The second time he did it, I thought to myself, “Is this really a kid you’d leave on his own in a crowded zoo?” The woman was in the bathroom longer than all three of us combined so I don’t know how long she was in there. I assume everything was okay, though, since the kid didn’t appear to be interested in wandering off.

We were heading back through the zoo so we could go home when we decided to see the pandas. I mean, how can you go to the zoo and not look at the pandas?

The outdoor panda exhibit was uneventful. The only panda outside was lying down. We could barely see it because it was lying towards the top of its habitat and facing away from us. When we got inside, we were able to see the back of one of the pandas. It was going to town on some bamboo, but it had its back to the big crowd.

When we went to the next part of the exhibit (panda control room), we could see the pandas face on one of the cameras. If you’ve never been to the National Zoo, pandas are a big deal, and they have all sorts of camera equipment and computers to monitor them. It was interesting to see.

Once we saw the pandas, we decided we should leave. We had walked quite a bit and Nyah was getting tired. So, we headed out.

All in all, it was a fun time. Got some good exercise, fresh (cold) air, and got to see some interesting animals. Nyah seemed to really enjoy it. We’ll obviously have to go back to see all that we missed, including the elephant exhibit, since it is being expanded. But, we still saw enough to have a good time.

A couple of days before the trip, I looked up the specific locations I wanted to visit. At that point, I didn’t have the address of the courthouse, so I didn’t map them out by the distance we were from them. I just wrote down the cross streets, and we went from there.

First, we decided to go to Soup Kitchen International, which was run by Al Yeganeh, a New York City soup vendor who inspired the Soup Nazi character, because it was closest to us. It is located in Manhattan on 55th St near 8th Ave. So, we hopped on the subway and took it to 59th St. Then, we hoofed it down to 55th.
 
The store was closed in 2006, and has remained closed since. But, the awning identifying it remains. Also, the rules for ordering are still displayed in the window in both English and French. We snapped a couple of pictures and then decided on our next destination.

We decided we would head over to the building that was used for Pendant Publishing, Elaine Benes’ employer. The address of the exterior is 600 Madison Ave. between 57th and 58th Sts. We could have just gone straight there from the Soup Nazi’s place – it was about seven blocks – but we decided to go to the Apple store and FAO Schwarz instead.

I had been by the Apple store before, but never went inside. Other than the glass cube and spiral staircase, it’s just like any other Apple store. There were quite a few people there for 11 a.m. on a Wednesday, though. It was packed.
 
From there, we went next door to FAO Schwarz. The store is much bigger than it appears from outside. And, it still has the doorman. Inside, you’re greeted by massive pink plush puppies, and a display of stuffed safari animals. There was even a $2,400 replica of Noah’s Ark that came with several plush animals.
 
The big piano is no longer on the second level near the escalator. Now, it’s in the party room. I don’t know what — other than the piano – qualifies it as a party room, but that’s what they call it. You can get your picture taken on the piano by them or do-it-yourself. The piano costs $20,000, by the way.
 
We decided not to wait in line to get on the piano. We walked around the store and looked at the rest of the toys. I really, really wanted to get myself made as a Muppet Whatnot. But, for $130, I passed. I have no idea why I wanted myself as a Muppet, but when I first saw it, I thought, “Mike as a Muppet…that sounds about right!”

Nadia looked around for a present for a friend with a baby, but couldn’t settle on anything. So, then we headed to the exterior used for Pendant Publishing. I took a couple of pictures there, but it wasn’t as rewarding as the Soup Nazi’s place. It actually had a bit of a boring feel so we moved on.

It was about lunchtime, so we decided to go to a pizza place Nadia knows from when she lived in the city. I call it “this place Nadia knows” because, despite the many, many times she ate there; she never learned or remembered the name! Anyway, last time we were in NYC, we walked 70… 7-0… blocks to get to this place, all while I was dealing with sciatica. She kept saying, “It’s only a few blocks away.” It was good pizza, though, and we were only about 30 blocks away this time. So, we started walking.
 
Now, keep in mind we’re both wearing professional attire, and I’m wearing casual shoes — shoes that apparently weren’t designed for walking. About 15 or so blocks in, my feet started hurting. It wasn’t so bad that I couldn’t walk, but it wasn’t like walking around in sneakers, or Himalayan walking shoes. And, I had to pee. But, by then we were only 10 or so blocks away so I figured I would hold it.
 
Now, she remembers it being around 82nd and 2nd Ave. But she wasn’t 100% sure. So, when we arrive at 82nd, she says it may be as high as 87th. Sigh. So we walk towards 87th. At 86th, there’s a section of storefronts that are boarded up with plywood that reads, “Post No Bills.” When we get up to 87th, there’s no pizza place. It appears that the pizza place was at 86th, but it was closed.* Blimey! I was so annoyed! Nadia wanted to find another place to eat, but after 30 blocks thinking about pizza, I wanted pizza.

* It turns out the pizza place – based on my research – is called Piazza Restaurant and it relocated to 3rd Ave between 86th and 87th. Google Street View shows it closed with a sign. We should have checked it earlier. We were so close. D’ah well.
 
We hailed a cab and asked the driver to take us to a good pizza place. He took us to Zesty Pizza on 95th St. The pizza was good, but listening to the owner of the pizza place explain, in his thick New York accent, how his “sun gawt bit by a freakin’ dawg while playin sockah,” was priceless. He was explaining to a customer – who I assume has a kid that goes to the same school as his and frequents his establishment – that he was going to “soo huh” (sue her) because “she freakin’ laughed when huh dawg bit him.” I should note that the dog that bit him belonged to the school’s chancellor and it was the chancellor’s wife who laughed at the incident.

Anyway, after lunch, we continued on to Tom’s Restaurant. We walked through Harlem. It didn’t feel unsafe, but apparently people up there do not curb their dogs there. There was poop all over the sidewalk.
 
We walked down 112th, looking for the intersection of Broadway. As we approached what appeared to be the end, we did not find Broadway. The road ended at Manhattan Ave. and across the street was a very large park and cathedral. We had walked about 18 blocks at this point, on top of the 30 before, so I was thinking we should give up. But Nadia said it might be on the other side of the park and the cathedral school, so we pressed on.
 
Two long blocks (uphill) later, I was ready to give up when Nadia asked a crossing guard. “Broadway is the next block,” the woman said. Excellent. So, we walked up to the corner and, nothing. Where was it? How could it not be here?!?!?!?!

Then, we realized that in going around the park, we were on 110th, not 112th. We walked up Broadway two blocks and there it was. We took a couple of photos and soaked it in, which basically means we stood there trying to decide on what to do next.
 
Nadia wanted to go to Canal St to look for a hat and possibly gloves. I also wanted to buy a scarf. So, we took the subway to Canal.

If you’ve never been, Canal St has a lot of little shady-looking open storefronts that sell hats, gloves, scarves, clothes and handbags. They also have a lot of street vendors. The handbags, however, are fake.*

* I can’t prove that they’re all fake but the last time we visited Canal St we went into a shop that had all of their bags sitting on a shelf with small holes where the brand name/logos go. There was also a stack of the purse emblems next to them, ready to be glued on.

As Nadia was walking by, several of the vendors would say, “Do you want Gucci bag, Louis Vuitton, Prada.” I must have heard some variation of this 50 times in a two blocks. Also, there was a group of young (16 – 18 year old) white girls with an older black guy with them. He was one of the street vendors.
 
Apparently, they must have answered, “Yes” when he asked if they wanted a Louis Vuitton bag. So, he was asking them to follow him across the street. Two of the girls were gung ho, while one of them was saying that they should not go. She was “freaked out” by him and did not want to go. Before they decided what to do, though, we were out of earshot. When I last saw them, they didn’t appear to be crossing the street with him.

Anyway, once we walked through Canal St, we wanted to take the subway back to Penn Station so we could go home. But, Nadia said that none of the trains there would take us back to Penn. So, we ended up leaving that station to find an A,C,E or 1,2,3 train. Going into the station and then coming out of the station got me disoriented. So, I couldn’t help.

We looked at a map and determined the best route to take. The problem, however, was two-fold: the map didn’t contain all of the streets because it was a subway map, and we got confused because both Broadway and W Broadway intersect with Canal St. So, we picked a direction to walk, and stuck with it… until we ended up in Chinatown.
 
We stopped and asked a traffic cop where the nearest A,C,E or 1,2,3 train station was and he mumbled something about being all the way on the other side of something. Nadia could probably hear him better than I could. I asked him about the Grand St station, as it was supposed to be nearby according to the map, and it would take us to 34th, where we could walk the few blocks to Penn Station. He told us it was “right there.” We didn’t really know where “there” was but we walked in the direction he pointed.

After a few blocks, we didn’t see the station. Nadia suggested a cab. At that point, I saw the station, but we decided to take the cab anyway. The driver got us where we were going. He might have taken us a longer way to drive up the fare, but it was $11, so I wasn’t too upset. Plus, it kept us from having to smell poop, and we were sitting, not walking. So to me, it was money well spent. To Nadia… not so much. But, she didn’t complain.

We took the train from NY Penn to Newark Penn. Then we needed to transfer to the Newark Penn to Fanwood train. After some slight confusion, and a call to my dad, we verified the NJ Transit train we needed to be on, and headed to it. It was departing in less than two minutes, so we hustled on board. In our haste, we both knew we got on the last car of the train, but we didn’t really know, know, if you know what I mean.

This was an important tidbit of information to have, as the conductor announced that at Fanwood only doors with stairs would open. NJ Transit has double-decker cars, so every double-decker has stairs that go to the two levels. I assumed that these were the stairs the conductor was referring to. They weren’t.
 
Apparently Fanwood doesn’t have a raised platform. So, you can only take certain doorways – those with stairs – to get to the ground. So, when the train pulled into Fanwood we’re standing by the doors that didn’t open. But, since were in the last car, we couldn’t actually see the station. It seemed like we were waiting to get into the station. (Think of how Metro trains pull into the station but stop before getting to the point of being able to open the doors because there’s another train in front of them.)
 
So we waited, and then the train started moving again and the conductor announced the next station was Netherwood. We missed our stop!  I called my dad and told him to meet us at Netherwood, which wasn’t that far away.
 
When we got there, we stopped before pulling into the station. Nadia didn’t want to wait at the same door in case it didn’t open. So, I opened the door between the cars. It was the conductor’s car from the end of the train. When I saw this, I was like, “Oh what the hell!” Nadia, however, thought we should quickly move to another door. So we practically ran to the other end of the car where the door – with stairs – was open.
 
After packing up and having dinner with my parents, we drove back to Virginia. We both had to be at work Thursday morning. The first hour was smooth. No traffic, just open road. Then, my eyes started fade in and out of focus. This is how I know that I’m not too tired to drive, but I have about another 30 minutes or so before I am. So, I stopped and got a Cherry Coke Zero.
 
That woke me up, and allowed me to finish the drive. The NJ Turnpike was smooth sailing, as was 95 through Delaware. In Maryland, there were quite a few cars on the road, but it was moving.
 
When we passed Chesapeake House, a car was entering the roadway from the left ramp. I was in the second lane doing around 82 mph. I slowed down to get over when I noticed it was a State Trooper. I slowed down to about 65, just by coasting. He hung back from me about 20 car lengths or so. So, I started to relax. Then, he just gunned it and came up behind me. I almost had to change my undies it scared me so much. Then, he flew around me.
 
So, naturally, I sped back up to around 75. He was a good 20 lengths in front of me to my left. Then, he slams on his brakes, so I slam on mine – didn’t want to pass him doing 75. Just as I catch up to him, (I’m down to about 70) he turns into a space in the divider and turns his lights off. He was getting in position to get speeders on the other side of the road. Whew.

For the rest of the ride, things were pretty smooth. We take 95 through Maryland, to 495. We take 495 all the way into Virginia without incident. I decide that I’m not taking the toll road, because they raised each toll 25 cents recently. So, we go up to the next exit so we can get on Rt. 7, which takes a little longer, but is free.
 
A little ways before the exit, I notice the overhead sign says 495 Closed in 5 Miles. Follow Detour. Fortunately for us, we’re only going 1.5 miles, I thought. As we approach the exit, traffic is stopped in all lanes. But, the exit ramp from the toll road onto 495 (which turns into the exit ramp for our exit) looks to be moving.
 
So, I jump into that lane only to have to slam on my brakes a few feet up. The cops have the highway closed a mere 150 yards from our exit. I tune into 103.5 to find out that parts of the beltway will be temporarily closed for up to a half hour.
 
I was so angry. We were so close, and yet so far. I woke Nadia up with my swearing. She tried to calm me down to no avail. After about 15 minutes, the cops re-opened 495 and we were on our way. The 15 minutes went by pretty quickly mostly because I was cursing the police and construction company the whole time. At the time, it wasn’t funny but now it is.

Anyway, we got back around 1 a.m. It was a long trip, but it was a lot of fun and we had a good time. And, it was good that Nadia finally became a barred attorney.

We got on the road around 3:45 p.m. Tuesday. I was concerned with leaving so late in the day, as we would hit rush hour traffic on the beltway and around Baltimore. But, surprisingly enough traffic was not bad. We hit parts where we were a little slow, but we were never stopped, and there wasn’t a lot of volume once we got beyond the beltway.
 
We planned on stopping for dinner, but could not find a place that we really were craving. We decided on Arby’s, but due to a slight miscommunication, we missed the exit. At that point, we were in Delaware and decided we would stop in New Jersey.

We left the NJ Turnpike in Bellmawr, NJ (not to be confused with Belmar, NJ) and went to a place called Club Diner. NJ Diners are awesome (much better than Silver Diner) so, I was glad we waited to eat. But, from far away, the place looked like it could be a nightclub. For a second I thought, “Is someone playing a cruel joke?” I thought we might drive up and find out that it was a club, and have to find another place to eat. Fortunately, it was not a club.

We sat at the first table behind the hostess stand. Normally this wouldn’t be worth mentioning, but the hostess and a couple of the waitresses were apparently friends, and very immature (college aged?). At one point, one of the girls said, “If I ever get pregnant, I’m going to have one of my friends push me down the Art Institute’s (of Philadelphia) stairs. That’s A LOT of stairs.” That is a horrible thing to say out loud, even if she was joking – it was hard to tell if she was. I later mentioned to Nadia that perhaps she would be killed in the fall, which would be a good thing.

Anyway, one vegetable platter and a chicken cheesesteak later, we were back on our way. The NJ Turnpike ride was very easy — no traffic that late. So we got to my dad’s place around 9 p.m.
 
We caught up with the folks for a little bit, and then planned our trip to NY the next day. We had to figure out what trains would get us closest to where we needed to be. We also needed to find out what time the train left in the morning so we knew what time we needed to leave the house. We ended up taking the 6:21 a.m. train out of Fanwood, NJ to Newark Penn Station. Then, we took a train from Newark to NY Penn Station. Then we took the A train to Jay St. Borough Hall station. From there it was a couple-block walk.

The train ride was pretty easy. The NJ Transit train was cleaner and more comfortable than Metro. Taking it to Newark was easy, and relaxing. Once we got to Newark, though, it was like the beginning of the NY Marathon. People everywhere; all running to make the next train. We allowed ourselves plenty of time, so we didn’t need to run. But, we hightailed it from the Fan-Newark train to the Newark-NYC train because, well… when in Rome, I guess. People were sprinting. You don’t see that in Metro. People walk fast, but they don’t really sprint.

Anyway, we made our transfer point, and then had another nice ride into NY. Once we entered the NY subway, though, it was hard not to notice the dizzying aroma of poop. Ah, the subway, NY’s public toilet. After a few minutes, the assault on my nostrils went away. I no longer noticed the poop smell. That’s not to say the smell went away. I just got used to it – or as used to the smell as you can. (I didn’t actually notice that it still smelled like poop until we got into fresh air.)

The NY subway ride was long, but the stops were quick. And, it wasn’t that bad. We arrived at Jay St. around 8 a.m. and needed to figure out the location of the courthouse. Nadia took out the letter with the directions. I hate when people are reading directions or maps on the street because it screams, “I’m not sure where I am going, please clunk me over the head and take my money.” But, we figured out where to go and made our way to the court without incident.
 
Once we found it, we walked to a nearby Starbucks to kill some time/get some breakfast. We managed to get a table. A woman came and sat down next to us. I’m not sure if she was a NY-er, but I assumed she was. She must have trusted us – Nadia made small talk with her – because she got up a couple of times, leaving her wallet and iPhone on the table within my reach. At one point, her overstuffed wallet (with cash clearly visible) began to open because it was so stuffed. It was sitting on the edge of the table. Had the top opened completely, it would have fallen off the table because the top was heavier/thicker than the bottom.

I decided that if it started to fall, I would let it hit the ground. To me, that was better than trying to explain why I was holding her wallet as she turned around. It didn’t fall. Whew.

Around 8:45 a.m., we left Starbucks and headed back to the court where we found a line of people. They, too, were holding their NY bar letters. It was sort of like those karate-tournament movies, where fighters from around the world are sent letters (scrolls) requesting that they compete. All of these different lawyers, standing in line, holding their karate-tournament invitations.* Anyway, we got in line.

* In Asian-guy-dubbed-over-by-White-guy-voice: Your argument style is pretty useless! Your Skadden, Arps, Slate, Meagher & Flom corporate law style is no match for my Weil, Gotshal & Manges patent attorney style. Ha.

Once inside, we were taken into a waiting room. I was among future corporate and private lawyers. And, they looked pretty much exactly how you would expect. If you looked closely enough, you could tell which were likely to be corporate lawyers (blue, black, grey, pale yellow accessories) and which were likely to be pro bono attorneys (purple, red, bright green accessories). There was even one guy in a gray suit who might as well have had “Corporate D-Bag Attorney” tattooed across his forehead. But, anyway…

Nadia and the other lawyers were taken away and we (guests) were instructed to enter the courtroom. On four occasions – FOUR – we had been told “No Flash Photography” in the courtroom. It was even in the letter.

After we found our seats, a security guard instructed us again about the flash photog (twice), and to turn off – not silence – our cell phones. She said that they interfere with the mic. (There was a couple in front of me speaking a different language that I assume does not have a word for “silence” because, other than “no” it was the only word in English. From what I gathered, they argued over turning off the phone versus silencing it. She won, he turned it off.)

Another security guard came in and told us again – the eighth time for those counting – no flashes. So, as soon as the attorneys came in what happens? Pop… pop… pop… flashes going off like we were paparazzi and Lindsay Lohan just walked in holding a bong. Sigh. The guards walked around and told individuals to turn off their flashes as they took pics.

The clerk took attendance, calling out the names one by one. She instructed them to say, “Present” in a clear and loud voice. She got about 90% of the way through before one guy said, “Here.” She told us that there was one in every group, which drew a laugh. I should note that there were two guys named Mordecai being sworn in. What are the chances of that? I wonder if they sought each other out after the ceremony. They could start the law firm Mordecai Squared.

Newly barred attorney Nadia. Funny... she doesn't look any different.

The justices came in and we said the Pledge of Allegiance. Then, the lawyers took their oath. Then, the Chief Justice made a speech about how practicing law was a privilege not a right. He also quoted from the movie Saving Private Ryan, and he told the attorneys the despite the profession’s portrayal in movies and news, they should conduct themselves with ethics, etc. The speech also contained far more religious advice than I expected. He told the attorneys to worship, although he didn’t say specifically that they should be Christians. It was a much more entertaining and uplifting speech than I thought it would be.

After that, the guests were dismissed and Nadia and the others had to sign a scroll that attorneys before them signed. We went back to the waiting room and watched the rest of the proceedings on a TV. Nadia was the second (although she claims to have been the first) person called due to her last name.
 
The TV screen showed three different camera views. We could see the person walking up, then signing and then leaving. But, Nadia was far too short to be caught by cameras two and three, so I only saw her walk up. Then, she was done. It’s official, Nadia is a barred attorney in NY. Now all she needs to do is, after three more years of procrastination, is to waive into DC.

Part 2: NYC 2010: The Low-Budget Seinfeld Tour

Dale Jr makes his way around the track

The drive to the race was fairly quick, but we did hit some stop and go traffic once we got on the main highway that led to the speedway. We passed several “need tickets?”  signs. Guys were in the street selling tickets and t-shirts.
 
It probably took us about an hour to an hour and a half to get to the track, which was about 30 miles away. Once we got there, things went quickly. Parking, walking to the track, and getting in didn’t take long at all. Atlanta Motor Speedway was built for large crowds. It was much better than Richmond International Raceway, where we had to walk almost two miles just to get to the track itself.
 
The crowd was pretty much what you would expect at a NASCAR race. There were a fair share of shirtless rednecks. There were also quite a few minorities there – mostly blacks and Latinos. Of course we were seated next to two smokers who lit up ever chance they got. They were smoking Pall Mall’s. It bothered Nadia much more than it bothered me. But, the wind from the cars on the track kept the air flowing so it wasn’t unbearable.

The race was fun, and leaving the track was easy. I was really impressed with the AMS staff, and the local police, as they really prevented a logjam at the exits. It took us about 20 minutes to get off of the track lot. At Richmond, it took almost two hours just to get out of the lot.

We got back to the hotel and called it a night, after all it was 1 a.m.

Monday morning, we packed up and checked out of the hotel. We wanted to try the aquarium one last time before our flight. On Monday, the line was short, so we went in. Nadia says the Georgia Aquarium is much better than the Baltimore Aquarium. I’ve been to both but I went to the Baltimore Aquarium more than a decade ago, so I don’t remember it.
 
Every part of the Georgia Aquarium is brought to us by some company. I guess without Home Depot, Georgia Pacific, Southern Company and AirTran, there would be no aquarium because their logos are displayed with the names of each experience. UPS helped ship some of whales, too. Don’t worry, they weren’t put in huge cardboard boxes and shipped by truck. You can find out more about how they were shipped here.

Also, the aquarium taught me about plurals. Apparently, fish is a word that is singular and plural. For example, “I saw a fish.” and “We caught five fish.” But, the signs in the aquarium say “fishes.” Fishes is used when you’re talking about several different species of fish. Didn’t know that.

We walked around the aquarium checking out all the different fishes (could have used fish here and it would have been correct) and watched a couple of videos. Most of the videos encouraged us to help through donations.

We got to touch a stingray, and some other types of marine life. I wonder if fish need to worry about swine flu. I wonder if swine flu can be transmitted by an infected person touching a fish, then an uninfected person touching that fish. Hmmm.

Anyway, once we visited all of the different experiences, we headed out. We walked over to CNN HQ because it was only a few blocks from the aquarium. I would have liked to take the tour, but we didn’t have enough time. We had to make our flight.
 
We walked around the lobby, gift shop, and food court, but we didn’t see any famous anchors dining at the food court. There were a bunch of cardboard cut outs of them, though. Anderson Cooper, Wolf Blitzer, Sanjay Gupta, and Soledad O’Brien all had cut-outs on display. O’Brien was the only one people were taking pictures of.

After seeing all there was to see for free in CNN, we headed out. We got the car and headed back to the airport. Atlanta airport is pretty cool. It has a train system, so you don’t have to walk. Of course, we walked because Nadia wants to be healthy. We cheated, though, and took the moving sidewalk.

The flight home was almost as uneventful as the flight there. I declined the exit row because I didn’t want to perform the duties if something goes wrong. It seems pretty easy, but I don’t know. I’d rather panic than be relied on to be calm.

We sat in the very last row of the plane. It wasn’t too bad. No one stunk up the bathroom, so we didn’t have to smell it. The engine was loud, but it wasn’t deafening. Sucked not to have a window, but I could sort of see out of the window in the row in front of us.

We were in a holding pattern near Charlotte, NC for about 20 minutes due to the traffic into Dulles. But, once we got the go-ahead, we were back in track.

Going from sunny and 80s to rainy and 70s sucked. It could have been worse, we could have come back to snow, but still.

All in all, it was a fun trip. I had a good time and enjoyed the aquarium and the World of Coke. The race was fun too, but next time, I might buy seats in a box, so I don’t have to deal with smokers. I guess NASCAR figures that if you’re okay inhaling race car fumes, then you won’t mind smoke.

At the Flying Biscuit in the ATL.

Anyway, after we visited the World of Coca-Cola, we headed over to the Georgia Aquarium. The line was so long we opted to skip it, and get dinner instead. We decided to go to Mellow Mushroom Pizza. I had never been. Nadia had been to one in South Carolina. I must say, the ‘Shroom had the best non-Jersey pizza I’ve ever had. The crust was so good that you could eat it without dipping it in marinara sauce.
 
While at the ‘Shroom, we encountered quite a few Dragon*Con attendees. One was dressed up as a Jedi cheerleader. Others were sporting goth-type outfits, and several were dressed up as Star Wars characters. They decided that the ‘Shroom would be their gathering place for dinner.

Now, I don’t like to judge, but I think that there should be some sort of rules put in place that tie length of skirt with body type (weight), at the very least for Dragon*Con attendees. As a big guy, I don’t wear muscle shirts… it’s common courtesy. I think that once you reach a certain threshold of weight, there should be a set minimum length your skirt must be. And then for every 15 – 20 lbs, one inch should be added.

We’ve all seen heavier girls with skirts that are way to short, so I can’t really say it is only Dragon*Con attendees. But, D*C attendees seemed to consistently wear too-short skirts. Therefore, we need some sort of rules. But, I digress.  

After dinner, we went back to the hotel to watch the VT-Alabama game. Of course, by watch the game, I mean doze off.

Late Sunday morning, we headed over to the Flying Biscuit for brunch with one of Nadia’s friends and her husband and two kids. We showed up to the Biscuit in Little Five Points a little before noon and the place was packed. There were a bunch of people standing outside, waiting. The hostess told me that it would be about 45 minutes.
 
Then, Nadia called to find out how far her friends were away. As it turned out, they were headed to the Biscuit in midtown. Fortunately for us, the one in midtown was about five miles away.

Once we arrived, we drove around looking for parking for about 10 minutes. The Biscuit had about 10 spots, which were all full, and like the other one, had a line out the door. We parked on a side street that was a few blocks from the restaurant. Once we got there, the wait was not long. The woman told us 90 minutes, but in reality, I think it took 10 – 15.
 
The Biscuits at the Biscuit were really good. They were much better than expected. They’re served with a cranberry apple butter (they call it) but it’s really jelly. It was very good and, surprisingly cheap. Four adults and two kids was less than $50. I would highly recommend it.

After brunch, we walked to a park. Atlanta has a lot of parks. There weren’t a ton of people walking around, like New York, but Atlanta seems to be an active (walking) city, which is weird since it seems to be a good driving city (not much traffic even during a holiday weekend).
 
The kids played at the playground for a bit, then Nadia’s friends had to head home to get the kids to nap. We decided to try the aquarium again, because we had a few hours to kill before the race. The line was even longer than it was on Saturday. So, we skipped it again.

The Atlanta Underground

We decided to head to Atlanta Underground. Boy, was that a waste. It didn’t have much. It was sort of like a ghetto mall, with a brick street for a floor and a sidewalk. It did have a Foot Locker, but I can go to Foot Locker in Virginia, so there was no point in going to this one. Other than that and some night clubs, which were closed, there wasn’t anything worth visiting in the Underground.

Atlanta, at least where we were, isn’t a shopping city. I’m not sure what makes a city a shopping city, but considering we didn’t buy anything, I don’t think it is a shopping city.

We wandered around the Underground and the surrounding area for a bit then headed back to the hotel to change for the race.

We drove to downtown Atlanta. There wasn’t much traffic, but there were a ton of people. Apparently this was a busy weekend for Atlanta. In addition to the race, Dragon*Con (a sci fi convention) was taking place.
 
And, Virginia Tech and Alabama were opening their college football season at the Georgia Dome. There were fans everywhere. Surprisingly enough, there were more VT fans than Alabama fans, including six, shirtless Tech fans who were painted orange wearing masks/helmets made of pumpkins.

After driving around looking for parking, we found several lots. Unfortunately, most cost $30 to park (because of the game). Of those that were in the $10 – $15 range, they were only accepting parking for the game. I guess since we weren’t painted bright orange, or drunk, we weren’t football fans, at least to the parking lot attendant. And, $10 from football fans must be better than $10 from non-football fans.

We found a lot a few blocks away that was $10, but it was unattended. There were numbered spaces and a box with slots that corresponded to the spaces. The sign wasn’t 100% clear in its wording, but from what I gathered, you slid your $10 in the slot. Someone would come check on the box periodically. If there was a car in a spot, but no money in the slot, that car would get a ticket, and eventually a boot. (Someone had a boot in the lot. I wonder if they really got the boot, or if this was to encourage you to actually pay for the parking.) $10 bought you the whole day. But, at 6 a.m., the clock would restart. So, you would have to put another $10 in or get a ticket.

We walked to the World of Coke. It was hot, and there was a long line, but it was moving. I would guess that it took about 10 minutes to get in. The VT-Alabama game didn’t start until 8 p.m., so there were a lot of football fans there, killing time. Not to mention the typical number of Labor Day tourists.

The tour was pretty cool. We got to see “what happens when you put your money into a Coke machine.” According to the animated movie, there are all sorts of cartoon-ish creatures touching your Coke, so you should probably not drink directly from the can or bottle. I don’t think Coke tests the creatures for swine flu, and I doubt they wash their hands or tentacles.

We didn’t get to meet the Coke polar bear, as he was on break during our tour. I guess even a polar bear needs a smoke break. The tour is self-guided, which means you pretty much wander around by yourself. There were also a lot of people, which meant that any pic could be ruined by someone walking right into your shot. Or, people would crowd the pic-worthy things, so if you actually wanted a pic, you would have to wait, and wait, and wait. But, it was still fun.

You’ll learn how Coke is made, if you didn’t already know. Let’s see… they take syrup, which contains the “secret formula,” and mix it with carbonated water. Then they bottle it, then ship it. Wow, that’s complicated. I find it interesting that they have this huge machine with lots of hydraulic parts on the tour that does the same thing as a tiny, unimpressive soda tower located at the movie theatre.
 
Back in the day, a soda jerk would put the syrup in a glass, add the carbonated water, and then you’d have to stir it, like making chocolate milk. I find it interesting that despite the fact that Coke kept its consistency and tastes the same as it did when you had to mix it (or so they say); no one can make chocolate milk that’s the same as when you mix it yourself. All pre-made chocolate milk is thicker, and heavier. Sorry, I’m getting a little off topic.

Anyway, in the little Coke factory, there was a guy loading Coke onto a pallet. I was wondering if he was really working, or if he was just an actor. He looked like a guy who works in a warehouse – if there is such a look – so I wasn’t sure. If he was really working, that would suck. Not only do you have to work on Saturday, but you have to deal with tourists snapping your picture all day.

We also got to see Coke’s 4-D movie. 4-D means 3-D with moving seats. It was fun but I wish they would have told us we might get squirted with a little water beforehand. I wonder if it was Dasani, or tap…

After wandering around and checking out the movie, we headed over to the tasting room, which is the end of the tour. Visitors can sample all different Coke brands in all the different parts of the world. It’s interesting to taste the different flavours. North Koreans and Chileans have weird taste buds, I guess, because their drinks tasted awful to me.
 
When free samples are involved, all bets are off. People were crowding the soda towers. When I wanted to taste something, I would fill my cup and step aside and let others go. The majority of people, however, thought it was better to stand in front of the soda tower, tasting everything, oblivious to the line of people forming behind them waiting for them to get out of the way. These same people couldn’t seem to keep the drinks in their cups. The floors were as a sticky as a movie theatre’s. Coke employees struggled to keep the floors clean.

After tasting most of the soda, we headed toward the exit. They give you a bottle of Coke – presumably made while you watched – to take with you. And with that, the tour ended.

Ironically enough, there was no mention of Coke originally being a cocawine on the tour. Also, some people argue that Coke is aggressively marketed to children, and based on the tour, that couldn’t be farther from the truth. I mean, animated videos, a man in a polar bear costume, a 4-D movie filled with magic, singing and dancing, and moving seats like a roller coaster… does it really sound like any of that stuff appeals to kids? No, I didn’t think so. Hogwash!

We tried going back to the aquarium, but the lines were too long so we went to dinner next.

Me after going through the security checkpoint

Labor Day weekend, Nadia and I headed to Atlanta, Ga., to catch the Pep Boys 500 NASCAR race. We flew out Saturday morning. It was my first time flying, and everything went pretty much how I expected it to.

Up to this trip, I’d never had a reason to be on a plane. My dad always insisted on driving to vacation destinations, and I never went overseas, so I had no reason to fly. We probably could have driven to Atlanta, but Nadia wanted to get me on a relatively short flight, being that it was my first time.

Things went smoothly; there weren’t very many travellers Saturday morning, so getting through security and on the plane didn’t take long at all. Nadia wanted Starbucks, so we stopped at the one near our terminal. The lady behind us had never been to a Starbucks. She thought we were going to steal her drink. (Sigh.)

I ordered a Vanilla Bean Frappuccino Blended Creme and Nadia ordered a Pumpkin Spice Latte. The woman behind us ordered a Caramel Frappuccino Blended Coffee. The coffee barista called the drinks out as she put them on the counter, as they all do. I got mine first, then Nadia got hers.

The woman behind us whispered to her friend that she didn’t want us to take her drink. I never heard her accuse Nadia of taking her drink, but she may have based on her friend’s response. Her friend told her that Nadia didn’t take her drink because Nadia’s came in a hot cup (white) not a clear one, which her Frappuccino would come in. Her friend also implied that it was silly to think someone would steal a drink since, as she put it, “people want what they ordered, they’re not concerned with your drink.”

The lady (who had never been) looked, and presumably, felt pretty stupid. I was tempted to grab her drink when it came up, look at her and say, “Do something!,” then walk away with it. I didn’t partly because Nadia would have been embarrassed. Also, I don’t think I have the guts to do something like that. I wish I did.   

Anyhow, the flight was smooth and relatively quick, at about an hour and 20 minutes. Our arrival was also smooth and uneventful. It couldn’t have been timed better, actually, because as we approached baggage claim, our bag came out of the chute.

We made our way to the Thrifty Car Rental desk to pick up our reserved car. We were met by a somewhat disinterested attendant who informed us that they didn’t have any cars. “But we made a reservation,” I thought. I felt like I was in that Seinfeld episode:

I actually debated reacting the same way, but the woman behind the counter didn’t look like she watched the show, and Nadia doesn’t watch it, so she wouldn’t have gotten it either. It would have been a wasted joke.

Anyway, the reservation apparently didn’t matter, as they didn’t have any cars and they told us to go to another rental company. But they said they would reimburse us for the difference between the price we were quoted, and the price we would pay for the rental from another company.

Update: I completely forgot that Thrifty actually had two reservations in our name, but didn’t keep either one, making it much worse. You mess up and assign us two cars, then you don’t even hold one of them for us?!?!?! Thanks for reminding me, Nadia.

Only one (Avis) of the other five or six carriers had cars.  They also had the longest line. We waited for a few minutes. The line didn’t move. The attendant made an announcement that we could also head to their base location, located on the airport campus (3 minutes away by shuttle) and rent a car there.
 
We arrived at Avis, and Nadia booked over to the counter while I got the bag. It’s a good thing she did, as she was first in line. Shortly after we got there, a long line started to form, so it was good we got there when we did. We ended up with a white, four-door Chevy Cobalt.

We drove to our hotel, a Country Inn & Suites that was about 5 minutes from the airport. Check-in was quick, and the room was nice. Everything looked relatively new, and the room was spacious. The bathroom was not built logically, though. The door opened inward, and there was less than an inch clearance between the door and the toilet, which faced the door.
 
This meant that I couldn’t leave the door open and use the toilet at the same time. (Not that I would, but to not even have the option…) It also meant that if the door was completely open, I couldn’t get out of the shower. I would have preferred that the door opened outward, but whatever.

Once we got settled in, we then had to figure out where we were going to go.